Friday, January 30, 2009

Pragmatic Ecumencalism

Everyone knows that there can logically be only one way for an omnipotent god to reconcile himself (and God most certainly is a he - or how else could he be God?). Equally, when St. John was hiding in the bushes eavesdropping on Our Lord and Nicodemus, he was able to record verbatim the blessed moment in which it was determined once and for all that if a person doesn’t describe themselves as “born again”, and then express their rebirth by dedicating all their time, money, and sexual energy to serving a church radically opposed to everything about TEC except it’s property and name, there’d be no future for them other than Our Loving Lord’s blessed boiling Lake of Fire.

This is why Jesus also told us that light can have no fellowship with darkness. However this passage must never been taken literally in the way that, for example, we choose to exegete verses possibly revealing aspect of homosexuality in the ancient near-east, or St. Paul’s throw-away remark about women teaching. No, all that stuff about not “being unequally yoked” can be conveniently ignored just as long as the other party (a) is as threatened as we are by people with different understandings of sexuality and gender as one’s own, and (b) has lots of good stuff which we would like to get our hands on.

That’s why I’ve been so delighted to see little Matt Kennedy (it’s a safe bet he won’t be able to use the “Fr.” prefix for much longer, so we might as well start getting used to dropping it) giving thanks that he’s been able to milk the local Romans for all their worth. As every closeted Calvinist like him knows, the Vatican might be the Whore of Babylon, and Foxe’s Book of Martyrs written just yesterday, just yesterday, but let nobody ever say those slaves of a false gospel don’t have some great church properties just laying around begging to be taken. Besides, while the Roman wolves in sheep’s clothing might indeed be leading millions to damnation, there’s no denying their hierarchy hates queers (despite having even more of them in ministry than we do), and has a long tradition of keeping girl-cooties from coming anywhere near the side of the altar on which the cookie jar is kept. So there’s absolutely no reason we can’t pretend to be their friends for however long it takes to grab whatever it is we need. Sola Scripture, Fides, along with the other three none of us in the GAFCON movement can never seem to remember, might be all very well as tenets of Protestantism, but when it comes to bricks and mortar we’ve all got to be realistic.

My only concern is this: in a few years time when Rome wants their buildings back to develop a new bingo centre, or to find the money necessary to cover up something nasty involving celibate clergy and boys formerly in their care (and you can be sure that’s a topic Mr. Kennedy won’t be posting about at Viagraville for a while), what’s then going happen? Forget about litigation, I’ve read The Da Vinci Code and I know for a fact that’s not how his new friends operate. As a matter of fact it wouldn’t be in the least bit surprising if an albino in a hair shirt is already keeping an eye on things. But at least he’s straight – or so we’ll be told.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


david virtue's bountiful bosom said...


Is there any doctrinal difference that a shared hatred of queers can't overcome!

Anonymous said...

As a matter of fact it wouldn’t be in the least bit surprising if an albino in a hair shirt is already keeping an eye on things. But at least he’s straight – or so we’ll be told.¨

But you don´t get it...Fr. Matt IS the fellow in the Hair Shirt! Don´t ask, don´t tell Kenya!


David |Dah • veed| said...

Matty is very cute - for a white boy!

Robert said...

LOL David!