Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It's (Almost) Party Time!

Holy Week is well and truly upon us, and despite all the work that entails for a Priest as Doctrinally Flawless as myself, there’s still a sense of the holiday spirit upon us that all the incomprehensible misery people insist on associating with Good Friday can’t dampen.

In keeping with the festivities has been the arrival my son Brad Evans: his crate is currently sitting on the Rectory lawn until he’s calmed down enough for us to risk ordering Evangelical Eric to open it. As I’ve revealed elsewhere on the intertubes, Brad is the issue of an entirely professional counselling relationship between myself and Joan Crawford during the early days of her career, when she was allegedly performing in stag films. At the time of his incarceration in the Rhode Island Institute for Incurable Pratts the Matron advised us to in future refer to him by his middle name in order to protect the esteemed name of Troll from being sullied by his ravings - he was christened “e-Vans” after a early virtual removal service I founded: sadly my franchisees lost their investments on account of the internet having not yet been invented, but you can't say the venture didn't prove me to be a man of vision.

Nor is Brad is the only who’s packed his golf shoes for a holiday (not that the boy actually has any golf shoes, since the spikes would be far too dangerous, but he does have a lovely collection of tassels he tapes to the front of his slippers). As was first revealed by one of My Beloved Sinners in the comments of an earlier homily, as soon as some of the Communion’s most excitable Primates, along with a number of other very large monkeys, have put away their chasubles after their Easter Sunday obligations (or in the case of little Peter Jensen, have changed into a fresh polyester business suit), they’ll be winging their way to Bermuda for a pleasant few days sharing homophobia, misogyny, schism, and general GAFCON nastiness.

Indeed, in a wonderful application of Our Lord’s teachings they have invited local clergy to join them for lunch at the prestigious Tucker’s Point Club where they will enjoy, to quote the club website, “a rare opportunity to experience the Tucker’s Point Club lifestyle with family and friends. Doubtless they’ll also gain considerable insight into the sacrifices these Conservative leaders have made on behalf of Christians in their economically-psychotic Sees, and leave with a new appreciation of how men like Archbishops Orombi and Akinola suffer every day on behalf of the Gospel.

Naturally the local Bishop of Bermuda wasn’t first consulted about the forthcoming soiree: since mistakenly recognizing an omnipotent God is capable of calling women to the Priesthood, the Rt. Rev. Patrick White clearly hasn’t deserved such petty courtesies as a little basic respect. He can at least take some solace in knowing that the GAFCON faithful weren’t informed ahead of time either: at present mine is the only Conservative blog discussing the modest rendezvous, with The Lead keeping apostate liberals informed. Doubtless it was deemed better that the little folk of ACNA and Reform remain ignorant of the struggle ahead of their leaders, who will be facing the burden of dining on the finest product from Bermuda waters and selected purveyors in New England and Europe featured on five‐course tasting menus with choice of “Land” or “Sea” fare, accompanied by selections from the Wine Room, a magical space where three thousand bottles of vintage wines line the walls from wood‐plank floor to vaulted brick ceiling

Besides, while the affluent parishioners of Kampala and Kigali might not blink an eye at the cost of a rooms starting at $420 per night, it’s probably better those followers of Bobby Duncan trying to make ends meet in the Rust Belt don’t worry too much about how all the money they’ve donated to their struggling partner-churches in Africa is being spent. Shearing the sheep is one thing, but there’s no point upsetting them in the process.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

14 comments :

Fr Hugh Jass said...

Mrs Jass and my good self are regular patrons of Tucker's Point. Indeed, their website displays a picture of us strolling along the beach. Now that riff-raff are allowed to darken the doors of this modest resort, I have demanded they remove our photo immediately. We shall NEVER visit this humble venue again. My wife will have to content herself with two weeks in the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Lapinbizarre said...

The Lead indicates that the primates will be in Bermuda as guests of Emmanuel A Kampouris, former CEO & president of American Standard, a supporter of "conservative" causes, among them the De Mint for Senate Committee. Fellow De Mint committee members included Robert H Brooks, chairman of Hooters Love those conservative family values.

Query, is Mr Kampouris a member of the Greek Orthodox Church, as his name suggests that he may be, and if he is, what's with the "Anglican" primates junket? Will Hooters be catering and entertaining? Will Canon Dr Sugden be along for the ride?

Leonardo Ricardo said...

I´ve not received my invite yet even though Burmuda is NORTH of me (and my Southernmost Hospitality)...Gracious the mail/male is slow underneath the volcano and the incense is clouding the view...not-to-worry Spirit Air (naturally I only travel Holy) will wisk me over there to Tuckee´s just in time for the festivities (oh how I´d love to make a scene at the GAFCON brawl)! I better be nice-o it´s almost Good Friday (and I´m planning a big luncheon for Saturday featuring all sorts of local charactors and hams).

Pete said...

Does Bermuda have lesbian bondage clubs for them to frequent to perfect their conservative values? Perhaps they may well be disappointed and wish they had followed the Republicans to Hollywood and stayed at the aforementioned Beverly Hills Hotel.

Brad Evans said...

That's more than some of their people back home make in two months.
Religious people truly have no shame.
What a racket! You and the Pope and the Patriarchs and the Fundies are all peddling differently packaged versions of the same garbage.
Kampouris is probably an upscale ethnic assimilated beyond souvlaki and vestments even stupider than the ones you wear.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Brad my son - are you trying to suggest Mr. Kampouris could be foreign?

Lapinbizarre said...

"De Mint for Senate" is sophisticated stuff, I'll grant you, Brad. FWIW Mr Kampouris started his career as Manager of American Standard's Greek Plumbing Products.

Still the obsession with vestments? Unusual disorder in heterosexuals, I gather.

Grandmère Mimi said...

"...local characters and hams", Leo? Hmmm.

mehitabel the cat said...

Maybe Greek Plumbing Products are more Brad's line.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Oh Dear, don´t the French have plumbing products? I vote YES!

Grandmere Mimi, it´s Chicken Salad, Fruit Salad (all fresh and ripe) and Carrot and Raisin Salad...no Hams except amongst the guests...all arriving soon.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Sounds yummy. And Leo, the host, the biggest ham of all?

Lapinbizarre said...

Awaiting, with anticipation and interest, your meditation on Fr. Ould's Good Friday sermon, Fr. Troll.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Given the holiness of the season I've been attempting to avoid Deacon Ould's lies for a few days. I did however note he makes no attempt to correct those commenters who refer to him as "Fr." Ould. Dare I say this proves even dishonest Jensen house-elves can on occasion succumb to a little aspirational popery?

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Grandmère Mimi, Everyone knows that I´m far more Leg of Lamb than Lomo de Cerdo...never forget mint jelly and I are devoted to one another and go back a long way... then there is the Roast Beef and Yorkshire part of my very masculine side and ancestry that is stubborn as HELL yet tasty, tender and pink in the middle! It´s all so confusing (pass the Gumbo por favor)!

Happy Easter to all!