The fatwa, which was pronounced by none other than little Dobby Ould at Viagraville (where else?) is of course binding, and means that not only has the Bishop been relegated to the status of “sub-christian” (which isn't a scriptural term as such, but occurs in the writings of Dean Jensen, so it might as well be), but owning any of his published works - or worse still, having read them - is to now be considered commensurate with “the unforgivable sin” to which Jesus refers in Mark 3:28-29.
Contacts close to Bishop Jones have informed me that given Dobby’s vastly superior theological qualifications (he has an undergraduate degree from the only Anglican seminary in the world to have adopted “Duelling Banjos” as their college song) His Grace realizes he has no option but to recognize the validity of this rebuke. After all, Dobby recently completed the second year of his first curacy, so naturally there’s nothing he doesn’t know about ministry - or anything else for that matter. And while he hasn't been published in any formal way, he does leave a great many anonymous comments on internet blogs, using a wide cast of creatively invented identities. So he's got to be right.
In addition, Little Deacon David Ould (Jensen family policy is to not ordain their young slaves to the Priesthood, thereby exacerbating the difficulties of any who might contemplate escaping) has also performed the world a great service by presenting the definitive answer to the age-old question of what exactly constitutes an evangelical. Sadly this noble term has today been watered to down to include those far removed from the values so dear to the movement’s proud slave-owning founder, and we all owe Dobby and his masters our thanks for reviving the spirit of arrogant self-righteousness so vital to evangelicalism’s origins. By reminding us of their central tenet - Thou shalt hate homos - the Communion’s most genetically-challenged diocese has shown the rest of the world why we’ve been all so wrong in thinking it possible to preach Christ without concentrating foremost on the topic He so foolishly forgot to mention.
In closing his bold thesis Dobby announces he’ll “see your ‘why can't we all play along nicely’ and raise you a Luther”. To which, My Beloved Sinners, I’ll match with another Luther that was probably omitted from the deacon's hagiographic reformation studies. Then I’ll raise him with a Calvin:
“However many blessings we expect from God, His infinite liberality will always exceed all our wishes and our thoughts.I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.