Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dragon-free Genitals for Jesus

As any Bible Teacher worth his offertory knows, the Scriptures make it clear that Dragons exist and pose a very real danger to Christians everywhere. Sadly – but as one would expect in this age of apostate liberalism – teaching on the terrible truth of Dragons has been discarded in favour of irrelevancies like forgiveness.

Fortunately Doorman-Priest, who despite being a Lutheran is nevertheless a fine young man and promising Bible scholar, has made a stand against this unscriptural trend. This picture from his fine blog shows a man who has been “sore broken in the place of Dragons” (Psalm 44:19), and plainly illustrates just how terrible these beasts can be.

So clear a warning does this image provide to young people that the St. Onuphrius’ wardens have unanimously followed my order to have a line-drawing version distributed to local children as part of a colouring book designed to teach them about all the terrible things which can happen to those who fail to attend church and regularly tithe.

Yet an email forwarded to me by my wicked nephew shows the noble Doorman-Priest is, like Luther himself, being pressured by Liberals to recant. An excerpt from the condemnatory neo-papal bull says it all:
I am asking you to remove the (now 2) offending posts from you (sic) blog.

If you do not do this I will follow Jesus' procedure, in that 1st I will get a brother/sister in Christ to see if (s)he can change your mind on this matter then I will take it to your church authorities.
As Christian readers will see, not only does this Liberal fail to understand that the grammar in which God dictated the Bible specifies one should write “your blog” – not “you blog” (obviously the writer is a foreigner), but he also has no comprehension of what the Scriptures show Our Lord did when someone got up his nose. John 2:12-25 makes it clear that far from finding some like minded snivelling limp-wrist with a fish sticker on the back of their Prius and an annotated copy of The Purpose Driven Life to echo their whinging, followed an extended period of tattle-tailing to the Sanhedrin, Jesus simply rolled up His sleeves, made Himself a whip out of some handy rope, and flogged the crap out of the evildoers and their livestock until they saw the wisdom of ceasing and desisting.

In defending his moaning the Liberal complains “many people would be offended if they were to come on to your blog” – it’s this kind of false sensitivity that’s destroying the Church. How much more offended will the unsaved be when they discover their genitals have been seized by dragons? How will the Saints be able to laugh at the damned's suffering in Hell, and say “We told you this was going to happen” if we hid the truth for fear of “offending” some over-sensitive child of Satan? Genitals belong to the Church, not to Dragons, and Christians mustn’t care who they offend in making this public.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Doorman-Priest said...

I don't know how you got hold of this but you must be some awsome prophet!

Doorman-Priest said...

And it seems I can't spell either.

Robert said...

or is Fr. Christian an awesome profit? :)