Friday, December 25, 2009

Fr. Troll's Christmas Sermon

Contrary to what many people believe, My Dearly Beloved Sinners, there’s more to Christmas than just giving expensive presents to your Vicar. It is in fact a time full of wonder, a season of ever-unfolding mysteries.

Consider, for example, the wise men from the east. That we hear nothing further of them in Scripture is undoubtedly because the early church recognized the inappropriateness of their gifts, and decided to avoid any future contact. I mean to say, what kind of gifts are gold, frankincense, and myrrh for a male infant? What’s wrong with something more traditional, like cigarettes, handguns, and plenty of ammunition? And why didn’t they also bring Joseph something; say a Cuban cigar and DVD of babes in bikinis demonstrating the evils of communism? Call me old-fashioned, but I’ve never trusted men who give girly presents and feign an interest in astrology.

Or why were the names of Mary’s midwives not recorded? Perhaps Bethlehem’s medical services were also in the process of socialist transformation, and the nurses were doing a little moon-lighting on the side for cash? Or did Mary give birth alone and unassisted in the privacy of a public lavatory, thereby enjoying the very same right that Republicans are today bravely fighting to preserve for single and impoverished young women?

And the shepherds: why were they permitted to take up space in the infant Christ’s presence that could have been offered to more important people? Wasn’t there anyone in town who understood the basics of Strategic Ministry and the trickle-down effect? Or what happened to their flocks while they were away? Did the angels fill in during their absence? And if so do the angels work for the standard subsistence rate, or has heavenly unionization enabled them to collectively bargain for better conditions?

No; the more deeply one examines the events of this far off Christmas morning the more one is faced by questions. We may never know the answers, itself a great blessing to anyone seeking an interesting topic for their doctoral thesis, but one thing we do know: God is vastly more complex and wonderful than any of us can dare imagine. Otherwise it’s a certainty this whole messy incarnational mystery would have been rejected long before any little drummer boy could have even started playing his per-ruppa-pum-bum business. On his drum, ad infinitum. And as a special treat for you all I’m now not going to link to the Bob Seger version recorded in 1987. I’m Father Christian, and occasionally I do show mercy.

After all, it is Christmas, and I’d like each and every one of you to have a very merry day indeed. God Bless all of you!


June Butler said...

God bless us every one. Inspirational, as always, Fr Christian.

Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

I just listened to the Bob Seger version. The Drummer Boy rocks! Never heard it before. This is such an educational blog!

susan s. said...

Merry Christmas to you Fr. Troll, now and throughout the 11 remaining Days.

I am humbled by your willingness to minister to the likes of me, a lowly but Beloved Sinner of your flock.

Leonard said...

I just finished helping with the dishes (no maid today for the evil holiday dinnermakers)...Juan Carlos is finishing up...we had a great day and it was filled with friendship and love of the especially appreciative and giving variety.

Love to all (including the entire staff there at wherever it is we think you are)

Leonardo Ricardo

Robert said...

Thanks for your Christmas inspiration dear Reverend Sir.

Brother David said...

I wish you a blessed Christmas dear Father in God.

God bless us every one!

Leonardo, did Juan sing the Fishes in the River for you today as promised?

motheramelia said...

Thank you for your gracious Christmas message. I do hope your Christmas was joyful if not triumphant.

Anonymous said...

Scientists have discovered that myrhh has cholesterol-reducing properties. There's nothing worse than a fat Incarnation. It is comforting to know that God is not obese, and that we are not worshipping someone made in the image of Bishop John David Schofield. Happy Christmas, Father.

Boaz said...

Merry Christmas Father Christian, from "Down Under"!

Rick+ said...

     And a very Merry Christmas to you, Fr. Christian! I don't comment often here, but I never miss a posting!

Paul said...

Thanks for the inspirational words, Fr. Christian. I imagine that allowances could be made if one brought gold to the vicar.

May you and all the gang enjoy a blessed Christmastide.

VW: stsmedro. Isn't St. Smedro's feast the day before the Ossification of St. Colitis? Or have they messed with the calendar again?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

You're quite right, Paul. Gold is the exception of those 3 gifts, but frankincense and myrrh are unquestionably the sort of presents that were purchased in a knick-knack shop with pastel walls and someone playing music that incorporates whale calls.

... and someone at Google must be more aware of the the calendar than we'd previously thought!

Pete said...

I wonder what happened to the jeweled box that was also alleged to be wtih those gifts?
Who used up the frankincense and myrrh, and what was the gold spent on? Did Joseph and Mary safeguard all those gifts to deliver to Jesus when he reached legal maturity?
Scripture certainly seems to have neglected much of an accounting. Today a court would make the parents deposit that gold into a court-blocked interest bearing bank account until Jesus turned 18.

Pierre Wheaton said...

And a happy belated Christmas to you and the rest of the gang at St. Onuphrius from us here at The Little House in the Ghetto n'at! And don't forget to keep Bp Quinine out of the absinthe.

JimB said...

A belated happy Christmas to you and the staff. I hope all the holy hangovers have now passed.