Saturday, June 13, 2009

Beccah Beushausen - The Ideal GAFCON Woman!

Here at St. Onuphrius’ we've all been devasted to read reports that Beccah Beushausen (aka "April's Mom") and the touching story of her pregnancy and baby April Rose is a fraud.

Naturally as faithful anti-choice campaigners we were overcome with emotion as we followed the story of this brave young Christian mother-to-be’s determination to give birth, and prayerfully supported her each step of her heart-wrenching journey. At times like these I especially love the way Christians who couldn’t care less about a young lady’s spirituality when she’s busily knowing boys in the Biblical sense around the back of the bicycle shed suddenly act as if they’ve discovered the next Agnes of Rome if she chooses not to terminate the pregnancy, only to dump her again when it comes to the crass economic facts of feeding, housing, and providing health care for her and her child. As Brother Richthofen always says, how could the American sex industry satisfy it’s voracious appetite for confused and vulnerable young women if there was a reduction in the number of single mothers desperate to support their unplanned children? Especially given that in light of the the current financial crisis the narcotics trade simply can’t be trusted to produce enough victims to fill the gap.

One only has to take a look at sweet Beccah Beushausen to see how successful a contribution she could have made to the glamorous world of adult-videos and online strip-cam work in the course of supporting a terminally-ill child, and why the anti-choice lobby was so quick to support her. You’d better believe me when I say that right across America Conservative men (and more than a few women) were thinking about her future as they gazed upon her insouciant cheekbones and unwittingly praised her selfless decision to prey upon their gullibility, and I will not tolerate anyone who suggests she wouldn’t have received the same degree of support if she was Black, or Latino. Or an illegal immigrant.

What’s more, despite having now been outed as no more legitimate than those parishioners of Big Pete Akinola who claim their billionaire relatives keep dying intestate, the plucky Illinois pseudo-Madonna is showing her true GAFCON spirit by continuing to lie. Speaking about the scam to a reporter from the Chicago Tribune she claimed to be a social worker, although the National Association of Social Workers say she’s no such thing. And to make everyone feel better she also announced she “plans to write one final blog post, coming clean and apologizing to her fans”. Except she’s already deleted her blog (here’s a cached copy) and Facebook page, which might make that last apology a little difficult to post…

Lastly, I’m especially enjoying the way so many of those taken for a ride by this delightfully firm-breasted charlatan are insisting here that we all need to keep praying for her –without ever making mention of praying for those whose lives get messed up taking by anti-choice fraudsters at face value. As Bishop Quinine says, as long as people keep responding like this we can be confident decisions concerning women’s bodies will continue to be made by old men like us. Meaning that the blessed craving for power and control that called so many of us to the ministry in the first place should continue being satisfied for many years to come.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Lapinbizarre said...

Superb post. Thank you. My cached copy of the "Little April Rose" blog is much improved by a sidebar commercial for Ruffle Butts "home of the Ruffle Butt baby bloomer". If this kid had been for real, she would indeed have been starting early!

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Yes my son, we also saw the advertisement for Ruffle Butts.
Bishop Quinine has been particularly taken with the product, and emailed the manufacturers to see if they could be persuaded to produce a range of sizings for elderly and particularly well-endowed clergymen. At present I don't believe they've replied, but he's certainly living in hope...