Eagle-eyed observers of these strange-but-amusing days have noticed big Pete Akinola’s uncharacteristic silence on the inauguration of little Bobby’s sect. Perhaps in response to this astonishing turnaround from “the mouth of the south”, little Martyn Minns has come out from under the covers and posted a ‘Q & A’ on the CANA web site.
Now the problem with these sort things is they never address the questions one would really like to hear asked, such as “How do keep a straight face while saying this nonsense?”, or “Has becoming a pretend-bishop finally satisfied the strange psycho-sexual craving for power you’ve obviously had for years, or are you sometimes woken up in the middle of the night by a niggling itch for something more substantial?”. Even so little Martyn’s piece is still most revealing.
Firstly, he makes it quite clear that border-crossing is here to stay: “CANA… will continue to maintain our own identity”. Only now the borders will be those of a deluded sect, as well as those defined Canterbury. When asked if CANA congregations will have two Archbishops - ++Akinola and Layman Duncan – little Martyn explains the reality (in so far as the noun “reality” can be applied to any of this) will be a third option – himself: “CANA congregations will continue to be under my leadership as Missionary Bishop” So - according to Minns, at any rate – if things ever come down to a choice between Bobby’s way and his way, faux-Nigerians should be in no doubt where their loyalties will have to lie. Pointy hat or no pointy hat, little Martyn’s the boss – at least when Big Pete isn’t around.
Even more interestingly, we’re told “CANA congregations will have a ‘dual citizenship’. They will be members of the Church in Nigeria and as a result of that relationship, full members of the global Anglican Communion. CANA congregations are also members of the Anglican Church in North America.” in other words Minns is saying that those members of ACNA not under his control aren’t members of the Anglican Communion. And if that doesn’t get Pittsburgh’s angriest eyebrows twitching nothing will.
Granted, this scenario isn’t claimed to be a permanent one, but will only be in place “for a time” However long that is. “In time” we also told, some of the faux-Nigerian “districts” will come out from under Minns’ brooding thighs and “apply for recognition” as dioceses in their own right. “In the coming months” he threatens, he “will be working with groups across CANA who are wanting to explore this process.” - a process which sounds awfully like it may involve taking down names and addresses and forwarding them to some of Big Pete’s enforcers. Because there’s certainly nothing he says which implies they’ve any chance of getting their application approved.
Then again, Bishop Quinine and the Ministry Team think Big Pete might be just laying low so as to not fall victim to the latest outbreak out of Nigerian penis theft. In which case getting little Martyn to stick his head above the parapet makes a lot of sense. What’s he got to lose?
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.