Monday, June 29, 2009

Martyn Minns Speaks Up (Beware of Penis Thieves)

Eagle-eyed observers of these strange-but-amusing days have noticed big Pete Akinola’s uncharacteristic silence on the inauguration of little Bobby’s sect. Perhaps in response to this astonishing turnaround from “the mouth of the south”, little Martyn Minns has come out from under the covers and posted a ‘Q & A’ on the CANA web site.

Now the problem with these sort things is they never address the questions one would really like to hear asked, such as “How do keep a straight face while saying this nonsense?”, or “Has becoming a pretend-bishop finally satisfied the strange psycho-sexual craving for power you’ve obviously had for years, or are you sometimes woken up in the middle of the night by a niggling itch for something more substantial?”. Even so little Martyn’s piece is still most revealing.

Firstly, he makes it quite clear that border-crossing is here to stay: CANA… will continue to maintain our own identity. Only now the borders will be those of a deluded sect, as well as those defined Canterbury. When asked if CANA congregations will have two Archbishops - ++Akinola and Layman Duncan – little Martyn explains the reality (in so far as the noun “reality” can be applied to any of this) will be a third option – himself: CANA congregations will continue to be under my leadership as Missionary Bishop So - according to Minns, at any rate – if things ever come down to a choice between Bobby’s way and his way, faux-Nigerians should be in no doubt where their loyalties will have to lie. Pointy hat or no pointy hat, little Martyn’s the boss – at least when Big Pete isn’t around.

Even more interestingly, we’re told CANA congregations will have a ‘dual citizenship’. They will be members of the Church in Nigeria and as a result of that relationship, full members of the global Anglican Communion. CANA congregations are also members of the Anglican Church in North America. in other words Minns is saying that those members of ACNA not under his control aren’t members of the Anglican Communion. And if that doesn’t get Pittsburgh’s angriest eyebrows twitching nothing will.

Granted, this scenario isn’t claimed to be a permanent one, but will only be in place for a time However long that is. In time we also told, some of the faux-Nigerian “districts” will come out from under Minns’ brooding thighs and apply for recognition as dioceses in their own right. In the coming months” he threatens, he will be working with groups across CANA who are wanting to explore this process. - a process which sounds awfully like it may involve taking down names and addresses and forwarding them to some of Big Pete’s enforcers. Because there’s certainly nothing he says which implies they’ve any chance of getting their application approved.

Then again, Bishop Quinine and the Ministry Team think Big Pete might be just laying low so as to not fall victim to the latest outbreak out of Nigerian penis theft. In which case getting little Martyn to stick his head above the parapet makes a lot of sense. What’s he got to lose?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Fred Schwartz said...

Father Christian:

The one great hope is that ACNA will act out and ACNA will become ACNE and then some Clearsil will take care of the rest.

Too bad I do not write anymore.

Anonymous said...

¨Missing genitals: 2 Camerounians lynched¨...ah, I can see Pete Akinola IS busy in Nigeria trying to sort out sindriven priorities regarding who´s got what and who hasn´t and ought to, and give, me, give, give me, that´s mine, jail them queers, again...frankly, dear Sebastian, I´m not certain any of these +CANA/NIGERIAN+ priestly flubberdubbers are even close to sane!

Ah, the Grand North American Province of Nigeria, Pope Peter Jasper I, Great Lion of The Reformed Hooligans!

Can you imagine how shocked this dude will be when he comes out of his hebegeebee juice shock?

Vulnerable Hemlocious Smith-Yaggermeister+

Anonymous said...

VirtueOnline quotes Jack Iker as saying his churches can't keep their property if they leave for the RC.

A few details for the power- hungry to work out.

Jim said...

GAFCON may have marked a watershed when the forces of descrimination and darkness figured out ++Nigeria was a liability. It may simply be that they have decided to play "dump the dupe."


Grandmère Mimi said...

What a tangled and sticky web the ABC will need to make his way through to decide which archbishops and bishops will be invited to the next Lambeth, if there is a next Lambeth. It gets more complicated and less understandable every day that passes.

Then again, the various structures now in formation may collapse before the next Lambeth.

The churches in ACNA will, so far as I can make out, be congregational churches, which usually means reduced authority for bishops. However, that may not be the case in ACNA.

Elizabeth said...

Ten years is a long time. I'm betting this gang will have fallen like leaves into separate piles by the time the next Lambeth comes around. Now the question of whether there will be a "next Lambeth" is the interesting one.

Fred Schwartz said...

The least we could do is get Mr. Minns some walnuts -- if he can't have any peanuts.

Emily said...

Grandmere. On the question of congregational polity, yes and no. Yes, as regards to who owns the property. No, as to reduced authority of bishops. Congregations can not change jurisdictions without the permission of BOTH bishops. Clergy are tightly controlled by the bishops and membership in its house and election of the primate is tightly controlled. The only thing that seems to be a primary lay responsibility is the support of the church, [a compulsory tithe] vs. its administration. So, although it looks like congregations have more freedom, it is true, they can walk, but, without the bishop's permission, they have no place to walk to other than away. Given that so many of the "bishops" were Duncan appointments and the clergy and laity had no choice about their imposition. I am not surprised that Rwanda AMiA and Nigeria CANA are hanging on to their "dioceses". They have some tradition in AMiA, and a "leader" in CANA, and facts on the ground prior to ACNA But Uganda and Kenya, for example, have always asserted that their oversight is temporary. As their "bishops" were Duncan's nominees, I expect that the ruse of African church membership will end soon. Murdoch, Guernsey, Atwood etc.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Emily, quite honestly, I can't keep up. They'd look foolish even without the all-wise Fr Christian's help.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

As my sainted grandmother would say, "Dead wood splinters."

Jim said...

9 years from now is a looong time. The whole premise of CANA et al is that one must be holy enough to fit inside the boundaries. They will begin to cut themselves to ribbons first over women then over sacramental efficacy and then over whatever else comes along. Absent their need to hate TEC, and lets face it as they loose in court after court, that will be pretty much expended by 2018, the patched over cleavages will surface.

So, if whomever is ABC then actually attempts a conference, who is in and or out should be pretty clear. Or at least the set of those too holy to associate with the CoE bishops inter alia will be clear.


Corinne Starr said...

Just when you think Jack Iker may have a smidgen of class, he opens his mouth and proves he doesn't.
Today on his web site he offers links to letters, one his in which he once more calls our remaining Episcopal diocese a "rump" diocese.
What is his preoccupation with rumps? He loves using that word for us. Our diocese offered one last letter to priests of the departing to see if they were sure they wanted to leave before they were deposed from the EC. All 5'2" of Jack be angry.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I'm not sure I feel comfortable with all this talk of "dead wood" and "rumps" given the terrible resurgence of penis theft.

Then again: if big Pete wasn't so insecure about ordaining women he'd already have clergy capable of safely counter-attacking this evil face-on. In a manner of speaking.

Two Cents said...

I have gained access to Little Bobby's and Big Pete's emails...what is a "rectal grandmal?" Is it a no-inny or an explosive outy?

David |Dah • veed| said...

Two Cents, a rectal grandmal is one of the deleterious possibilities due to having a cranial/rectal inversion.