Friday, August 14, 2009

Catching Up.

Like any conservative Rector, I’m a great believer in micro-managing my staff. It’s the little things that keep them on their toes and feeling incompetent, like ignoring the message of a brilliant sermon to focus upon a point somewhere about five minutes in (never be precise in your criticisms) when a more mature preacher would have momentarily paused before continuing. Similarly, always ‘find’ blemishes upon their vestments immediately prior to the service commencing (keep a small bag of dirt in your pocket for this purpose): that way no matter how well they perform you can always bring them back down to earth afterwards by warning them of the number of complaints parishioners made about their slovenly appearance.

Similarly, a Bible-believing Leader must never miss an opportunity to make mountains out of mole-hills. The finest example of this strategy was sent to me by a thoroughly scurrilous escaped prisoner of Jensenland, who recounted how the slum-lord Suffragan Bishop of South Sydney Robert Forsyth (known colloquially as “Bishop Falstaff” on account of his discerning palate) once spent an entire hour-long meeting ignoring the content and findings of a 12 page report – which had taken almost a month to compile – to quiz the author at length upon their choice of font and text size. Honestly, my Dearly Beloved Sinners, if all clergy could aspire to standards like this the apostate liberals would have all been driven away years ago!

Consequently these last few days I’ve been terrifically busy nit-picking over everything done while I was bed-ridden: anyone seeing how thoroughly I’ve meddled in the minutiae of ministry would think this was San Joaquin in the good old days before little David Schofield became preoccupied with losing court cases. This has, however, meant I’ve found myself unfortunately short of time when it comes to following the Glorious Global Schism’s latest developments.

Nevertheless, in a refreshingly vicious quarrel at Viagraville (do they have any other type of interactions there?), which was pointed out to me by a Most Fondly Beloved Sinner, little Matt Kennedy has managed to insult two of Conservatism’s most famous educational institutions, as he has every right to given his obviously superior ministry experience (how many church properties have they managed to unsuccessfully steal, and what kind of prison time are they facing for having goofed around with TEC assets?). Things turned really exciting when Dean Munday of Nashotah House (where I’ve been told students' quarters are equipped with positively palatial closets) remarked “Golly, if only I had known sooner how much slander against Nashotah House our advertising on Stand Firm was helping to support!” - which in turn was met by the most pleasantly sycophantic response from little Greg Griffith I’ve seen in a long time.

Naturally little Matt wasn’t threatened with a banning, because Viagraville would never ban anyone for something like that, and the idea of them having different rules for their own is simply ridiculous. As is the notion that Nashotah would ever spend their money elsewhere. They’re as eager to see themselves closed down and converted into the “Primate Duncan Institute for Selective Bible Study and Eyebrow Care” as little Bobby himself is.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

33 comments :

Anonymous said...

Dear Father...I too was impressed by Greg Griffith's handling of this rather dicey situation..Dean Munday accusing Mr. Kennedy of outing his nom-de-plume. Kennedy's comments about the orthodoxy of Trinity and Nashotah, and, finally the issue at hand...Nashotah's advertising dollar. This, after all in the crucial concern and it is entirely appropriate that Greg should step in. I have wondered, if, like Mr. Virtue's site, Mr. Griffith's claims a not-for-profit status. I didn't think so but since it so often requests "donations" and "contributions" if, like a good GAFCON inspired site, it seems to imply to its "contributors" that it is not-for-profit and if they choose to take a tax deduction for their "donations", that would be their problem would it not? If Mr. Griffith's site accepts advertising, and it should account for more than 20% of its revenues even if related to its purpose, that would pose a problem if it were a not-for-profit, but since, in good GAFCON tradition, it likely isn't,it seems entirely appropriate that Mr. Griffith rein Matt in? Although controversy, adversarial relationships, and venom are essential to keep the readers reading and the "contributions" flowing, when it comes to affecting major advertising dollars, Mr. Griffith has most responsibly taken care of his bottom line.

Anonymous said...

Although I have no difficulty with Mr. Munday's statement you quoted, technically isn't he referencing libel not slander. After all, it was in print and reached so many nationally and internationally. Matt should be better able to advise him as he is bound to be more current on legal matters. TBL

Fred Schwartz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fred Schwartz said...

Well, Father C, I tried to read it all and became "dazed and confused" to quote an old Led Zeplin song. The number of persons writing and citing themselves, some other quotes on that thread, or simply missing the logic of a cogent argument asotunds me. I am beginning to understand the definition of inerancy. I think it has been defined by that particular blog and that particular post as "I have made up my mind and by God do not confuse me with the facts!

Of course I did not have time to read all the posts on all that topic becasue I am too busy doing real life.

PS: I really need a spell checker.

Lapinbizarre said...

Contradictions inherent in the make-up of ACNA seem to be mirrored increasingly in division within SF's bloggers.

Bishop Falstaff was rumoured to have been extremely unhappy with the Jensenite Lambeth boycott. Lost opportunity for swanning around Canterbury, the Royal Garden Party, and so forth.

IT said...

Off topic, Fr Christian, but Fr David Heron appears to be missing. Should we assemble a search party?

Father David Heron said...

Since my Bishop, Tom, hasn't been in the USA recently, this gave a man with Prostate trouble an opportunity to complain about me to Bishop Wright. Since +Tom is likely to look favourably on people who have undergone gay 'healing', I have decided to lay low for a short while. What chance do I have, as one individual, when the WHOLE Episcopal Church has been cast into outer darkness?

David |Dah • veed| said...

Padre H, someone should pepper his wife's strap-on with habanero!

Anonymous said...

boo hoo. Heron gets told off by his bishop and
1. complains to the world
2. tries to make a thread about someone else about him

Anonymous said...

Petie, I bet you only boo hoo when your wife (LOL!) is too tired to work you over with the strap-on.

What an ill piece you are!

The Rev Prof Orombi Mugabe said...

I would like all ex-gays to join my Church. How about you, Anon?

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Father David Heron, I´m so sorry you´re being harrassed by the most proper authorities and everyday windbaga...it´s no wonder the Church(s) are in such a state of delapidation when we have the theives running off at the mouth (and attempting to stick Sterling Silver candlesticks in obscure body parts and pretend there is nothing missing) and the vicious anti-lgbt clergy/shrillwhimps are parading around their families to prove they can reproduce (of course who knows how many turkey basters the turkeys have used and hidden)...such silliness, not a REAL leader in site, blowhards, stuffed up prigs and heterosissymen...what next I ask you as stomachs take a turn for the worse in Gafconningland?

Raspberry Rabbit said...

I haven't been told off by my bishop in a while. I'm waaaay overdue.

RR

Father David Heron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Father David Heron said...

I wasn't "told off" by my Bishop, but asked only to engage in sensible debate about those with prostate problems. That is why I come to the Leader of GAFCON "conservatives" to discover if many fundamentalists have problems with their rear ends.

Anonymous said...

"sensible debate"

Which is why you shut down all the blogs.

Face it, Heron. You behaved badly and got reprimanded by the bishop.

At least be man enough to accept it.

Anonymous said...

"I would like all ex-gays to join my Church. How about you, Anon?"

No thanks, David

Fred Schwartz said...

Father Heron,
If it is any comfort, there are others that have suffered a similar fate. Just thought I would share.

The Rev. Dr. Canon Mr. Dr. Rev. Chris Sullen said...

Thank you, Father, for posting the Droop Limp thread.

There are few sights more edifying than a bunch of pharisees stripping the bark off one another.

I have a feeling that we will get to see it more and more as this unwieldy little coalition falls apart.

Ima Troll said...

Dear Rev Dr Canon Mr Suck'em - couldn't agree more.

The Rev. Dr. Canon Mr. Dr. Dr. Chris Sullen said...

It's 10:00 P.M.

Do you know where Peter Ould's prostate is?

Anonymous said...

If the Viagrans ever tire of discussing what gay men do with their peepees and woowoos--admittedly a highly unlikely prospect--then here's a real and very damaging heresy they might want to "stand firm" against.

David |Dah • veed| said...

Sorry Anonymous, t'was not I, for I never post anonymously.

If I cannot own up to my own commentary then I have no business posting.

Gerry Lynch said...

Anyone know why Peter Ould hasn't updated his blog in a week?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps his prostate blew out, what with all that vigorous play with the missus.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Does anybody really want to know?

Anonymous said...

That place is just full of wackos - like this one who had the following to say on this thread about Muslim swimming dress:

"I don’t understand how the female swimmers manage to avoid being dragged under by the sheer weight of these things. Don’t they get awfully heavy when you submerge them?

Wait. Maybe it’s a self-correcting problem…?"


The only good Muslim is a...?

Anonymous said...

Strike my last post, there's a new wacko in town! Can you believe this ?:

"It would make a lot more sense to keep muslim males away from public pools and also away from swim meets, even tennis meets and other sporting events where women are competing. Imagine the trying to hold the Olympics in a muslim country - or in a Western with large muslim population.

In addition to this restriction, Muslim males should be required to undergo psychotherapy and perhaps exorcism, since they are in fact, admitting they are infected with uncontrollable lust triggered by the sight of a human female body.

The problem is in their minds and that is where it should be addressed..."


And there's more. Muslims rape Western women, etc., etc.

IT said...

Fr Heron has apparently resurfaced at a new address: http://clericalgossip.blogspot.com/

Perhaps everyone else should troop over with the welcome wagon goodies and the stereo so he can decorate the new place appropriately and have a party!

(The trolls appear to have followed him so watch where you step.)

Aghaveagh said...

Father Heron's blog is gone again...hmmm, what's up? Maybe just interior decorating?

IT said...

How Odd. the new blog name is now available to register.

I'm thinking he's been kidnapped.

Revd Ivan Ackeroff said...

I speak on behalf of Fr Heron of late memory. His lovely Bishop asked him to close his blog down. However, I know on good authority that he will be blogging on a new website, anonymously, which you can find by clicking on my name. Any resemblance to my blog and that of Fr Heron's is entirely not co-incidental.
Fr Ivan Ackeroff

Anonymous said...

I hope prostate Pete is not holding Fr. David hostage again.