Monday, August 3, 2009

Peter Ould embraces Scientology.

Back in the 1950’s, when I was helping L. Ron Hubbard (the “L” stands for “Little”) develop what the world now knows as Scientology®, my advice was that at the first sign of any criticism he and his clams should threaten litigation, and keep sending out intimidatory mumbo-jumbo until all opponents are silenced.

These days there’s no denying what has become widely known as The Church of the Vexatious Lawsuit has faithfully applied my teaching (although they prefer to call it “Religious Technology”), but it’s always saddened me that Conservative Biblical Christians have failed to heed my advice with the same respectful diligence.

Fortunately little Peter Ould shows my words have not completely fallen on deaf ears. Certainly I’ve been heartened by the efforts of folks in places like Virginia racing off to the courts in accordance with St Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 6, but generally it’s been left to men (and I use that noun figuratively) like the J. Mark Brewer to show what fundamentalists feel about free speech. Yet thanks to Dobby Ould’s envious twin Anglican Conservatives can once again hold their heads proud in the knowledge that they too embrace ‘Cease & Desist’ Slapp Suits as part of their evangelistic arsenal.

Since Petie doesn’t want his threat published, I’ll repost it in full here just in case something happens to the original at Father David Heron’s place:
Dear Mr Heron,

On receipt of this email I request that you immediately undertake the following actions;

i) The removal from your website (
http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all digital image material that I, Peter Ould, of Ware, , have created and own the copyright to, that you are displaying without my permission.

ii) The removal from your website (
http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all material that you havepublished, whether you are the author of said material or not, which consists of any words, writing, sign or other visible representation that is designed to threaten, abuse or insult myself, Peter Ould, Ware, on the grounds of my religion, race, age, sex or sexual orientation.

iii) The removal from your website (
http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all material that you havepublished, whether you are the author of said material or not, which consists of any words, writing, sign or other visible representation that is designed to threaten, abuse or insult my wife, Gayle Ould, Ware, on the grounds of her religion, race, age, sex or sexual orientation.

iv) The removal from your website (
http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all material that you havepublished, whether you are the author of said material or not, which consists of any words, writing, sign or other visible representation that is designed to threaten, abuse or insult my son, Reuben Ould, a minor, of Ware, on the grounds of his religion, race, age, sex or sexual orientation.

If you fail to comply with this request I shall take all necessary action in English, Californian and United States Federal jurisdictions, and in the Ecclesiastical Province of York of the Church of England under the Canon Law of the Church of England, for both the enacting of the above and the request for necessary ecclesiastical discipline for conduct unbecoming or inappropriate to the office and work of a clerk in Holy Orders, together with any civil claims for reasonable damages and the reclamation of all reasonable costs to the above end, as I see fit.

Further, if you fail to comply with this request I shall not repeat this letter or provide any similar communication before taking the action described above.

Sincerely,

Peter Ould
A little later he then sent this, demanding nobody be shown his earlier correspondence:
Please note that unless you remove my letter of 15:31 GMT 3rd August from your website, I shall take all necessary action in English, Californian and United States Federal jurisdictions, and in the Ecclesiastical Province of York of the Church of England under the Canon Law of the Church of England, for both the enacting of the requests in my previous letter dated 15:31 GMT 3rd August and the request for necessary ecclesiastical discipline for conduct unbecoming or inappropriate to the office and work of a clerk in Holy Orders, together with any civil claims for reasonable damages and the reclamation of all reasonable costs to the above end, as I see fit, regardless of the continuing presence or otherwise of said published illegal material on your website.

Sincerely,

Peter Ould
I especially admire the way little Petie has made threats of action in the jurisdictions of California and the Federal United States: if one knows absolutely nothing about the law as applies in a particular realm making empty and ludicrously self-important threats is always an effective way of convincing oneself that you’re more than the pillock you really are. After all, what possible authority could the First Amendment carry in the face of objections by a non-resident evangelical curate with a very silly beard and an obsessive interest in discussing his sexuality?

Meanwhile in the U.K., where libel laws have long been a much more profitable distraction from engaging in serious thought about why somebody might be ridiculing you, little Petie has bravely ignored the increasing traction being gained by the defense of parody: just because a notorious homosexualist like Elton John failed in his
action against The Guardian
doesn’t mean a famous ‘post-gay’ evangelical can’t succeed. Especially since little Petie’s curate’s stipend will undoubtedly enable him to afford a much more expensive legal team than Mr. John's.

The most important thing everyone needs to understand about all this concerns the expression ‘post-gay’: I’ll admit that even I was a little bewildered by the term until Brother Richthofen explained things. He says that ‘post’ is a British fundamentalist term having the same meaning as ‘pole’, ‘rod’, or ‘wood’ in our part of the world. Or, as Bishop Quinine prefers to call it, ‘the Tower of Power’.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

11 comments :

Anonymous said...

Little Petie's unfortunate facial hair certainly is a puzzlement.

Why would a man who is no longer into hot man-on-man action try to hard to make his mouth resemble a vulva?

Anonymous said...

Oh those meanies never stop being mean...I went over to Standlimp and there were throw-uplike words regarding the recent nominations in Los Angeles diocese, and greasy pizza scowlings to boot...one wonders when they will take to the streets (off duty of course).

L. Heaven Hotowitz, Scribe to the Good

Anonymous said...

Interesting though, why did David Heron cave in if he'd done nothing wrong?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

He didn't 'cave in' Anonymous, but if he did decide to act in a conciliatory manner it would probably be because God told him to not bother addressing comments as stupid as yours.

Anonymous said...

"conciliatory"

bawahaahahahaaaa!!!!!!

Father David Heron said...

"Caving in" Anonymous would be to remove the post from the blog.
"bawahaaahhaa" ? You must try to write in comprehensible English.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I believe "bawahaaahhaa" is hysterical fundamentalese for "Quick: Matron's coming and I can't let her catch me playing with her computer!"

Raspberry Rabbit said...

When I was young my mother would remonstrate with me about my desire to watch the midget wrestling on television on Saturday afternoon. The fact that my father would occasionally watch it with me was a nuisance because this would occasion an argument between them and I'd have to turn the television up in order to hear the sorts of overblown threats which 'little britches' would issue to whichever opponent he was due to fight. In spite of what you may have heard these fights were not 'fixed' and yes - this does qualify as sport and not merely entertainment. My mother should have rejoiced in my attraction to the 'sporting life'. If she had supported me in this desire I wouldn't be overweight today.

Imagine my delight, then, in hearing that Peter Ould was uttering imprecations against our own David Heron who almost never steps over the line unless he's having a wobble or has seen a snake. I find, though, that one of the foundational imprecations contained in the post

http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-am-going-to-sue.html

no longer appears on the web. In addition to my early love of sport being frustrated by an overprotective mother - I am simply not bright enough to figure out how to find a cached article. Help would be appreciated.

Father David Heron said...

Raspberry Rabbit:
I was "going to sue" was a post containing a comment from Peter Ould's blog from a woman called "Sue".
She referred to me as a "complete nutter". I removed it in case I was libelling myself.

Jim said...

OK, now we know another topic on which he knows nothing.

I think I will post a theory of nuclear physics on my blog. I don't know much about the subject but hey if I am a conservative....


FWIW
jimB

Anonymous said...

Father, I think it is time for you to impose some firm discipline on the Bobsy Twins.

Very firm discipline.