Recently I’ve been growing concerned about the amount of time that’s passed since ACNA appointed another “bishop” – it must have been more than six weeks since they ordained the last one, and there’s no way they’ll have every man, child, & dog (but no women. Ever.) wearing purple by Christmas if they don’t get a move on with things.
Thankfully the drought broke last Saturday, when little Jack Iker consecrated layman William H. Ilgenfritz, who is known to his friends as “Uncle Fester” for reasons which will become entirely obvious after viewing his picture here. He'll be “bishop” of the “Missionary Diocese of All Saints”, a trans-American Forward in Faith overlay which hopes to establish pseudo-Anglo-Catholic parishes in places where people can’t distinguish them from the real thing.
According to little Jack, Mr. Ilgenfritz’s (why do all these schismatics have names that sound like they were taken from a Marx Bros. movie?) appointment also “secures a continuing line of apostolic succession for traditional anglo-catholics, which is no longer possible in The Episcopal Church in the United States”, which suggests the future of little Bobby’s sect is going be very, very complicated.
For all its faults, at least when someone was ordained in the old apostate Communion they were ordained: they were either a Priest or they weren’t. In ACNA, however, it looks as if the validity of any individual’s ordination is going to depend upon whether or not their faction is recognized by one’s own schismatic sub-set. After all, how will Mr. Ilgenfritz and his gang be able to consider Sacraments valid if the consecrating Priest wasn't ordained a bishop they consider 'real'? Will they even begin to acknowledge the authority of, for example, the Reformed ACNA leaders?
Some years ago we triple-booked the St. Onuphrius’ Parish Halls. A simple oversight, it lead to the simultaneous arrival one Saturday morning of the Ichabod Springs Poultry Fancier’s Association (accompanied by more than a hundred prize birds), a convention of cat breeders displaying their most virile toms, and a support group for hyper-active terriers and their anxious owners. Although we engaged professional cleaners to handle the resulting mess, it’s still possible to find feathers if one looks closely, and I recently heard our insurance company finally negotiated a payout for those rendered deaf by the melee. Rest assured, however, that little scuffle was nothing compared to what ACNA conferences will be like a few years from now. If they haven’t torn themselves apart long before then.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.