Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The AAC tell it like Big Pete sees it.

Bible-believing Christians around the world are relieved that the American Anglican Council has released their report to the Primates on the Episcopal Church. Prepared in response to a request from Big Pete Akinola, it’s beautifully typed, and someone’s clearly shown the young men of the AAC how to use a spell-checker, since I’ve closely searched all 42 pages of the thing in hope of finding a funny spelling mistake, to no avail.

Naturally it also shows the temperate disregard for sensationalism for which its authors have long been famous; from the from the modestly bold capitals of the sub-title “TEARING THE FABRIC OF COMMUNION TO SHREDS” to the final line, which delivers the terrible news that in 2008 a single parish in Wisconsin (2007 pop 5,601,640) was lost to wherever it people who hate liberals in Wisconsin go. What’s more it highlights once and for all just how low the Church has sunk in their obscene drive to reflect God’s love by including men and women we once use to exclude, abuse, and ridicule with impunity.

Take this picture, for example, on page 34 of the report:

Everyone knows weddings are supposed to be a formal and serious occasion, yet these two lovebirds are clearly being permitted to enjoy sharing a private joke without fear of reprimand. What’s more, the gentleman on the right’s tie and collar is clearly askew! That sort of slovenliness isn’t permitted in weddings at St. Onuphrius’, I can tell you that for certain, and there’s no reason it would be permitted anywhere else if the Presiding Bishop wasn’t hopelessly incapable of telling all the apostate liberals to straighten themselves up.

Or take this image, from page 35:

I ask you, in a gay pride/rights parade what kind of Man of God wears jeans? Please!! Going to hell in a hand-basket is one thing, but this is clearly taking it all too far!! Even Evangelical Eric knows there are some occasions when only leather chaps, or a tiny little pair of disco shorts, are appropriate. Have these lawless heretics no sense of decorum??

The ultimate shock of the report, however, is this one on page 33:

Taken at the Interfaith Memorial Chapel in Grace Cathedral, this clearly shows symbols sacred to faiths other than Christianity!! In an interfaith chapel!!

When we had an interfaith chapel here at St. Onuphrius’ we didn’t need to embrace all that foreign religious nonsense; by having a copy of the King James Bible, the New International Version, a New American Standard, and a Book of Mormon (since they hate homosexuals they can’t really be all that unorthodox, and knowing those fine young men and women are wearing secret “temple underwear” is so arousing) - and with those we were perfectly able to offer a token gesture to all the religious bases worth covering. There’s absolutely no reason Grace Cathedral can't use similar tactics to avoid taking the term “interfaith” seriously.

In fact our interfaith chapel proved a tremendous blessing to the parish: it burned down when one of our previous Curates spontaneously combusted, just three days after we had coincidently insured them both for a fortune. What’s more, the Mormons paid us a tidy sum (in cash, hallelujah!) to not try blaming them for the tragedy. If only ++KJS would let the AAC and I show her what ministry is really about…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


PseudoPiskie said...

Are you implying that Akinola didn't write his letter?

Paul (A.) said...

I must differ: They haven't learnt how to spell "catalogue" (maybe they were relying on Bill Gates' spellchecker) and Minns' grammar is still atrocious.