Sunday, August 29, 2010

Voices from the Anglican Future.

Every Christian knows Nigeria is a land of peace, prosperity, and probity – even if the subject “Corruption in Nigera” does rate its own Wikipedia entry. That’s why Big Pete Akinola was so generously given real estate and a Mercedes Benz when he retired, and why God has cursed the faithless west with stable government and the rule of law, while blessing Biblical Spirituality’s heartland with blackouts and genital mutilation.

Even though little Archbishop Orombi and his fellow Ugandan thugs Ministers with Machetes have been doing their best to prove there’s no shortage of powerful and dangerous psychotics left in the nation who brought us the Last King of Scotland, an article in The Sun (Nigeria’s “Voice of the Nation”) shows there’s no need for Martyn Minns to re-realign just yet.

Read it for yourselves, My Beloved Sinners, but be warned: the “article’ is entitled “If your child is gay?”, and if you’re inclined to suffer from a weak stomach it’d probably be better if you just Googled “dismembered corpse porn” and clicked “View images”. Because you’d better believe me when I say it ain’t pretty.

Let's start with Funmi, whose advice to parents commences with “Beating alone cannot solve the problem. ” Or how about Lynda, who sees homosexuality as “a sign of the endtime”; so i guess we should assume Alexander the Great and Leonardo da Vinci were just a case of God getting some early rehearsals for the Parousia. Lynda's caring and reasoned approach – perhaps inspired by the same gift of spiritual discernment that has brought her country to the forefront of the relentless war against child witches - serves as a lesson to mothers everywhere: “The child should be committed to God Almighty for total deliverance, because he’s no doubt possessed with the evil spirit.

Meanwhile Joseph gives a fatherly perspective: “I have been hearing of gays, and I regard them as beasts and nothing more.” On a roll, he also continues with an eschatological motif: “It’s one of the signs of the end time. If my child is homosexual, which I know cannot be, I would not mind that he should be disciplined publicly. This would definitely change one or two things in him. After this, we can think of the way out.” If nothing else you’ve got to admire little Joe’s optimism: others of his intellectual capacity would have realized long ago that thinking per se isn’t their strong point. But then again, that kind of self-awareness never helped anyone get a purple shirt in the world of Conservative Global Anglicanism.

I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

How uncivilised! These poor African "conservatives" are unaware of science-based healings which can help wicked homosexualists overcome their disordered desires. A course of treatment by the Jensen Family in the Diocese of Mordor always has miraculous results. The gay - realising the healing hasn't worked - usually kills himself. That usually solves the problem.

Lapinbizarre said...

It seems - off topic, but when did that ever stop us - that the diocese of Sydney has not been alone where unwise speculation is concerned.

"Exodus had led the organization to foolishly trade its leased offices in favor of a building with a million dollar mortgage. Now, deep into the recession, the organization is left begging the Lord for a loan and asking God's helpers for a helping hand."

God's mill grinds slow but sure.