Saturday, January 31, 2009

You need new clothes. Now.

Lately I’ve been saddened to see that a great many of you just aren’t dressing as well as you should. I realise you’ve all been very saving the Truth from complete annihilation at the hands of few incompetent Liberals without God on their side, but that’s still no excuse for letting yourself go out in public looking sloppy. Yet now there’s something you can all do about this, and I’m expecting a 100% improvement in the sartorial stakes just as soon as it takes for the solution to get delivered to your very own rectory/cathedral/squalid layperson’s shack/prison cell door.

That’s because the one and only Padre Mickey has now set about resolving this disgrace, while in the process also gathering the funds necessary to ensure that he, the Lovely Mona, and the fearsome Señorita Chompita (whom I still haven’t been quite able to forgive for what happened to Bunrab), can spend their Sabbatical doing something more productive than busking on street corners for spare change.

What’s more, the quality and style of their splendid new alternative to nakedness is second to none. Take for example the stunning Dance Party Golf Shirt. Now I’ve got to admit I don’t even like golf, since I’ve a certain moral reticence towards anything which involves the public insertion of objects in holes (although I am extremely partial to the design of classic golf shoes, with their spikes and funny little tassels over the laces), but this shirt could guarantee even me membership of any country club in town.

Or for reminding foolish Curates of what awaits them should they step out of line, nothing comes near the Bunrab T-shirt. At only $12 we’ve been able to afford a second one for Evangelical Eric to wear outside in the snow while we’re forcing him to wash the other.

In fact if you head over to the Dance Party Store of Love you’ll be amazed by what’s on offer, and anyone unable to purchase everything in sight has my specific permission to tickle their parish offertory plate before the treasurer counts it to obtain any necessary funds. Remember: it’s not theft if it’s for a good cause (just ask any schismatic bishop), and causes (other than my own) don’t come much better than this.

I’m Father Christian and I’m telling you to buy something.


Kirkepiscatoid said...

I don't need more stuff; I just sent money. I'm sure Mickey, the lovely Mona, Chompita, and the gang can all use that too.

Oh, BTW, dear Father, That Kaeton Woman has spurred me to mischief again. You might visit Telling secrets and see her "Trifecta" post and then go over to my house and see what it caused me to do...

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Wonderful hymn, my dear child. Thank you very much for bringing it to my attention, and you can be certain I'll be teaching it to my congregation this Sunday.

Padre Mickey said...

Thank you, Rev. Dr. Sir, for your endorsement.
I'm sure that the shirts will start flying off the shelves now.
Also, nice lil' ditty there, Kirk!

susan s. said...

Being a lover of coffee and chickens, I fell in love with the
Gallito Mescalito Traveling Mug. And also the Bishops' Mug. It is very large, and when drinking coffee, size is everything.

Robert said...

Drinking coffee is not the only time size is important Susan, in spite of what others might claim. :)

susan s. said...

Thank you Padre Robert! I have lived a long time and I am well aware of that!