Monday, June 21, 2010

A Biblical Perspective on Mitregate.

Forgive my absence, Beloved Sinners, but the past few days have seen our parish internet account suspended as the result of an entirely unfounded accusation that somebody here had been sending threatening emails to the local Baptist congregation concerning their intention to hold a week-long sheep-stealing outreach.

Naturally I strongly disputed the entirely base and scurrilous complaints, and to prove I bore absolutely no ill-will to his blatant attempt at theft evangelistic zeal I offered my utmost support. Indeed: entirely unasked (but guided by the spirit, of course) we assisted by parking a van outside the crusade, and offered those attending all the beer they could drink and a free vuvuzela.

It would be a gross understatement to say my brilliant initiative proved overwhelmingly popular with young people, who in arrived in such numbers that the Baptists have been forced to shut down their mission after only two days. What’s more, out of gratitude their Senior Minister personally undertook to see all complaints regarding our emails were withdrawn in return for my promise that Brother Richthofen’s Friends from Seminary will release his Youth Pastor relatively unharmed. Which I’m sure they will do just as soon as the dear boy stops speaking in what sounds like Hungarian, and regains his ability to blink.

All of which shows just how well believers of different persuasions can co-operate when a Biblical Conservative of my stature is in charge, even if one of the parties isn’t actually Christian. With all the fuss over Mitregate I’m expecting at least one of the parties will be calling for my assistance any moment now. Not, of course, that this latest tiff in the Communion is anywhere near as serious as the challenges I’ve recently faced.

That’s because as far as I can see the whole problem revolves around the Presiding Bishop having been discriminated against - in this instance because she is differently-genitalled to ++Cantaur’s personal predilection when it comes to Prelates. To which a one can only respond “What’s the problem?” Discrimination occurs all the time, and as long as it doesn’t affect me people should simply get over it.

Were Tiger Woods, for example, be prevented from playing at a British course, but instead only permitted to participate as a caddie, I very much doubt anyone would make the slightest fuss. Or if instead of competing at Wimbeldon, the Williams sisters were only allowed to fetch Caucasian players’ drinks, does anyone honestly believe there’d be any outcry? And I’m sure big Pete Akinola doesn’t give so much as a second thought when told that on account of his ethnicity he must refrain from travelling anywhere near the front of the bus. So what’s so different about a democratically-elected woman called to leadership by God being treated like a second-class servant?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

+++Caroline Divine
"Called by god"?
And you can prove this-how?
Does god have a traceable number? Did he send an e-mail? A letter? Did he show up with a bullhorn?
Or are you just making stuff up again?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Little Brad, my son: simply changing your posting-gender is not nearly enough to convince people to start taking you seriously. I recommend you try changing your species instead. How about you hence forth comment as "the Rhode Island gibbon"? Or would something with an exoskeleton be a better reflection of your meager intellectual prowess?

Paul (A.) said...

On behalf of all crustaceans I must protest! Brad may be a crab, but he ain't one of us!

Anonymous said...

I am sure you are inadvertently accusing we tolerant English of sexism and racism, Father.
I would remind you that our Head of State has female appendages. I also noticed that President Obama is of a dark complexion and doesn't look like us. On his visit to Her Majesty, he was even treated to a State Banquet by this regal Lady. I don't believe he even noticed that he was eating with the servants in the kitchen.

Anonymous said...

+++Caroline Divine
I prefer to announce my character indelebilis; the ontological change was so important that I insist on being addressed as "Father" to reassure myself that, although I dress in robes at work, I'm really quite butch.
Also I have fantasies that the catholics and orthodox think I'm one of them, just more "progressive".

Leonard said...

Which I’m sure they will do just as soon as the dear boy stops speaking in what sounds like Hungarian, and regains his ability to blink.¨ I had that same blockage when I went to the ¨bars¨ in San Francisco as a innocent troublemaker with good intentions at age 18! I finally started chatting again in my mid-twenties...words will never fill the void.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Didn't think you could leave it too long before starting to obsess about vestments again, Brad.

Anonymous said...

+++Caroline Divine
So many chasubles, so little time...