Friday, April 17, 2009

GAFCON Conference Welcomes Laymen.

I’m delighted to see little George Conger continues being able to remember the two GAFCON Primates that previously could not be mentioned: obviously their Graces Tanzania and West Africa completed with flying colours whatever penance and rehabilitation Big Pete ordered they undertake.

Yet my delight at this, oh dearly beloved sinners, is nothing in comparison to seeing that the closed meeting of the GAFCON Primates Council (which actually contains only 87.5% Primate – meaning were it a beer in Germany the manufacturers could be prosecuted) has indeed remained true to the movement’s original spirit, and rather than descending into a rarefied enclave of men with funny hats (or in little Pete Jensen’s case, an extremely spiritual powder-blue safari suit), it has remained truly open to the voices of laymen.

Indeed, one only has to look at the ancillary guest list to see plenty of laymen were allowed to give their $0.02’s worth: little Bobby Duncan was there wriggling his eyebrows, Martyn Minns could once again gaze longingly in Big Pete’s eyes, Jack Iker could hot-tub with anyone desperate enough to join him for a soak in his juices, and bouncing Billy Atwood was able to slap backs, squeeze shoulders (in the manliest of ways, of course) and tell everyone his favourite homophobic joke (again).

No, the list of laymen foraging for crumbs beneath the tables at the (only) 12.5% adulterated Primates Council was endless, and wasn’t it wonderful that all these men could meet and plan the church’s future without any distracting girl cooties around the place? Or that’s what they thought, at any rate…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

But, but, butt, what have they done with/to John David Mercer Schofield? It´s hard to fit him under the rug (speaking of rugs, what is that hairstyle the man from Canada always features?)...I notice Big Petey from Nigeria is looking all jaunty (have there been more massacres, like Yelwa, recently instigated in Nigeria?) and long tall ¨cool¨ Henri Orombi probably brought lots of copies of his five year anniversary (elevation to Grand Despot) Newspaper Tabloid inserts to share (there were only a couple of dozen pictures of ¨praise¨ for him printed within)...what a guy, and all done while instigating a ¨witch hunt¨ at all levels of Ugandan society and with a Civil War going about cover-ups, wigs and doubletalk, this group takes the cake.

Kinda makes one carsick without the benefit of moving one inch.

Blood Red and $Green forever,

The Murderous Zealot Crybaby Blowhard Design Group

Brother David said...

John David Mercer Schofield has most likely been shut out of the proceedings because in this time of economic crisis, a number of airlines have new rules requiring folks of girth to purchase two adjoining seats in order to fly!

That flew in the face of reason for the GAFCON/FCA puppet-masters one ticket per person rule. They do need to save money for the defense of lawsuits you know.

Doorman-Priest said...

Goodness: what if all the hot air caused an explosion? Where would the future of the church be?

Anonymous said...

Don Harvey looks like an elderly lesbian.

Canon Itchy said...

O, Anonymous! That's the kindest thing anyone ever said about little Donna Harvey.