Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Obama and the Olympics: The Christian Perspective.

Regular readers will know I’ve never said so much as a single bad word about President Obama – even if he is a pagan son-of-perdition who’s not really an American (and Bishop Quinine knows for a fact that the President is really a shape-shifting alien lizard who kidnapped Elvis). Still, my Christian courtesy to the one God has mistakenly appointed to rule America until 2012 (when President Palin shall be sent to deliver the world from this temporary triumph of reason and compassion over fundamentalist rhetoric) must in no way be mistaken for any kind of tacit support for the socialist monster currently preparing to devour our children (although not, it grieves me to say, any of those for whom I am liable to pay child support).

Consequently there's no doubt I’d like to add my voice to those well-meaning and politically-balanced individuals condemning him for losing America the 2016 Olympic Games, and I fully understand they’ve reached their conclusion through conducting an entirely objective review of the facts, but as a servant of the Truth I must on this occasion disagree with them – even though that doesn’t in any way diminish my prayerful support of their moaning.

After all, anyone could have seen that given the International Olympic Committee’s proud fascist history it was inevitable the old men with a predilection for uniforms would select Rio. Given a choice between Chicago and a city where women can legally parade topless - not to mention all the smooth skinned café-latte boys - there was never any doubt about which town would come up trumps.

Besides, while as a Christian I'm not too familiar with the finer points of worldly matters like foreign geography, but isn't Rio de Janeiro somewhere near little Greggy Venalball’s Province of the Southern Cone? Which would explain why the place is famous around the world for completely shunning any kind of immorality whatsoever. No; I predict history will ultimately come to consider 2016 as “The GAFCON Games”, so profound will be the Christian witness presented by a whole sub-continent of Bible-believing Christians. I've been reliably informed the city is in Brazil - not Argentina, (those places are all the same to men of my Christian maturity) so while technically not in Greggy’s Province yet (but by 2016 I doubt there'll be anywhere that hasn't realigned away from the dying apostates), it's close enough for plenty of border-hopping missionaries to ensure there’ll be nothing swept under the carpets of any Russian women weight-lifters in e, that’s for sure. And it’ll be a surprise if anyone’s allowed to so much as even say the words “Greco-Roman Wrestling”.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

Actually only the breakaway diocese of Recife (+Robinson Cavalcante) is aligned with Señor Venalballs. Brazil (Igreja Episcopal Anglicana do Brasil) is an independent province and a friend of TEC.

Chris Smith

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Correction duly noted and today's homily amended, my Dear Sinner.

My first reaction was one of amazement, as like most Conservatives I'd believed everyone in those foreign places thinks TEC is an apostate pretender. After researching you allegations I have discovered that there are indeed dioceses in that part of the world which haven't obediently subjected themselves to little Greggy's authority - which is what Imight expected from foreigners

Please don't, however, be too harsh in blaming the Holy the Spirit for this error: naturally God also from time to time a little confused about minor details such as the geographic realities of our Glorious Schism.

Thank you.

Fr Craig said...

surely Rio is the best place for beach volleyball? All those scantily clad young women surely need clerics to hold up towels for them and offer words of spiritual solace...

JimB said...

If you think about Rio's famous beaches, it is hard to think of them in Venables' church where the only approved sex involves divorced bishops and housewives.


-frank said...

What is going on? It's been eight hours since the announcement that the President (of the United States) has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace and not a peep nor epistle from the conservative blogs.

Are they stunned into silence? Admittedly it has been an absolutely dreadful week for them, what with the legal news from California and Pittsburgh and now this stunning news of the peace prize. Chicken Little's phone has been ringing off the hook with inquires regarding the sky.

Brother David said...

Frank, they are not the only ones stunned into silence. I am sure most folks in the world are wondering what the Nobel folks have been smoking.