Saturday, November 8, 2008

My Concern for the Liberals at Stand Firm

My Dearly Beloved Wicked Evildoers – I’ve got to confess the terrible slide of Stand Firm in Faith into apostasy has left me deeply distressed. Bishop Quinine says my obsession is probably just an after effect of some of the herbal medications we’ve been experimenting with, while Consuella says something about them all just being loco y estúpido, but as a pastoral Doctrinal Warrior I just can’t help myself: Fr. Matt Kennedy’s embrace of anti-marriage liberalism deeply saddens me.

I know I should, as Bishop Clumber so helpfully pointed out, appreciate the fact that with a mere six years experience (my late-sainted mother served longer prison terms than that – a comparison to which anyone who's heard Fr. Progeny preach can well relate) that the young trouble-maker can be expected to be wetter behind his ears than a televangelist’s Jacuzzi, but when it comes to Ministry that’s no excuse! I was Ordained decades before Mass Progeny’s father was so much as begging the Matt’s mother for “just a little squeeze” after youth fellowship social evenings – as were a great many of the Clergy he’s currently criticizing. The Bible might well condemn Sodomy and wearing clothes made from cotton/polyester, but it also says a fair bit about respecting your elders, and stopping to think they might know something you don’t before bursting into an ejaculation of criticism. Although I dare say that when you’re young and your wife is driven by hostility coming from somewhere “underneath” it’s hard to not find oneself fascinated by thoughts of all the firm young men getting it on like rabbits in Vaseline, but that’s still no excuse for not getting a little more perspective on things before urging everyone else off into schism.

All of which has made me to want to dedicate this coming Sunday as a Day of Prayer for the young liberal and his foolishly deceived flock. However as Brother Richthofen and his friends from seminary have been planning a big outreach service as part of St. Onuphrius’ contribution to International Penile Insecurity Awareness Day, and I’m loathe to cancel what is promising to be a most arousing event. Brother Richthofen and his friends have thoughtfully noted that Stand Firm and International Penile Insecurity Awareness Day have more in common than most of Fr. Progeny’s revisionists can admit, and so have promised to incorporate my concerns at Liberalism’s latest conquest into the day’s liturgy. I’ll share the result after tomorrow’s service…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Padre Mickey said...

What I like about your posts is that they make me look like a decent guy. And, Lord knows, I needs all the help I can get!

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Always honored to bless a young clergyman, Padre. Feel free to warn your parishioners that if they don't support you they could end up with someone like me.

Unknown said...

Dear Father Christian,

What I like about your posts is that they come down to about the same level as my thinking! And you haven't even met Father Progeny and his hostile wife, as I have... plus I've sat in when he's been waging Spiritual Warfare at a district event. I'm awfully glad I wore my suit of Spiritual Armor.

But please note, I have not been in attendance at, listened to, or made it through a reading of one of his sermons. Life is too short to suffer like that!

Blessings to you from the Real Diocese of Pittsburgh,

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Thank you for your kind blessing, +Clumber. Sadly one doesn't need to meet Fr. Progeny and his consort to have a very good idea of what they're like: their equivalent can be found throughout the Communion, and I often wonder if an evil factory somewhere is cloning them. At least they often grow out of whatever it is they're suffering from: after which it's just the mess they leave in their wake that remains a problem

None of which should be taken as a sign of disrespect for your endurance at having witnessed him conducting full Spiritual Warfare. In addition to your Spiritual Armor I hope you also had a good disinfectant and a bottle of flea repellant. Blessings to you always.

Kirkepiscatoid said...

I can't wait, dear Fr. Christian, to hear what you have to say about the latest stuff from the Diocese of Quincy. My goodness, they are a mere 75 miles from me here in NE Missouri. It's practically right in my backyard!

June Butler said...

Fr Christian, surely the site of the young woman to whom you linked, the one with the hidden hostility, surely that is parody, and we are not meant to take her posts seriously.

She home-schools her children, and they always want to be in school. Oh dear. That can't be a good thing. I realize now that one can never be too careful with one's children, and there is great danger of contamination in sending them out into the world at a tender age. If she is indeed serious, I feel guilty about sending my own children to real schools. Who knows what terrible damage did I do to them? But I'll tell you this: by the end of summer, I was more than happy to pack them off to their teachers for several hours five days a week.

Well, I was so distracted by the Rev Anne's plight that I've forgotten what the rest of your post is about, and it's late, so I'll say, "Good night".

Anonymous said...

I´ve just returned from a weekend at Lago Spooky and I wanted to report in immediately after reading your uprated Blog, Dr. Fr. Excellency Christian...I´ve had unfortunate experimenting with reading the bordering on psychotic personality ramblings of Fr. Knarled and Matted...really, there are actual captivations of his form of spiked dementia recorded on Fanglican T.V...truly, his wordeth son captured in whatever stuff they glue it to. Fr. Knarled Matted blurts out all sorts of stuff that he thinks makes believable relgious nonsense as attempts to mash or press it into the brains of those who would hanker to hang with a Anglican witchworker/wacker maligned with Anglican Kolini...anything, anything to make sense of theivery and bigotry is so tiresome I´ve found...just how far must we us´n go to include these backstabbing wormworkers, muckers amongst us?

I don´t mind them twiteds normally but this little cooked/hitched up duet of overproductive purified thinker preventitives are dang peligroso when left on their own without reproductive control devices.

Is their a potion you could send them to get them all straightened out?

Lic. Wellsley Dorfinnmongher, OB

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Kirkapiscatoid: My goodness that is close: make sure you don't leave any washing hanging out when the wind is blowing from that direction and you know they're meeting, or else you can be sure it'll all be ruined.

Rest assured that I've been following proceedings closely and will be commenting in the next few days.