Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My Prophecies of an Obama Victory Fulfilled

As I’ve said all along would happen, Senator Obama has just been elected President of the United States of America. When it comes to understanding the unfolding mysteries of God’s will there’s no substitute for the solidly studying the Scriptures. People can imagine they’ve received prophesies predicting something might happen, or heard “Words of Knowledge” directly from God giving some sort of divine insight into the future, but the only sure “road-map” to world events is the Bible, and only Teachers of my insight and experience can be trusted to read this map accurately.

So despite all the criticism I’ve received during these past months for going against my the predictions of my fellow Orthodox GAFCON Christians, I’m proud to now see my unbending faith in the Bible’s clear revelation of who would win has been vindicated. Standing by the Truth mightn’t make you popular, or win you any friends, but the feeling that comes from knowing you were right all along, no matter what lies the evil one whispered in everyone else’s ears, certainly makes everything worthwhile. False teachers everywhere were claiming McCain and that dreadful woman whose name I can’t remember would win, and words can’t describe the attacks which were made upon me for daring to say otherwise, but I wouldn’t be the World’s Greatest Doctrinal Warrior if I hadn’t held fast to preaching the clear message of Scripture that Senator Obama’s powerful vision of change is God’s plan for the earth’s future. It’s not easy always being right, but God’s called me, and as a faithful servant I freely welcome His voice. And the absence of His voice I’ll faithfully lean whichever way the wind should be blowing.

There is just one question, I have, and I’d appreciate it very much if someone could please send me an answer. Just exactly who is this colored man that keeps talking about change, and whom everyone keeps cheering?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Robert said...

I have no doubt that you receive regular words of prophecy which are simply inerrant. In fact, I think that you are the source of inerrant words to our broken world.

Boaz said...

"Just exactly who is this colored man that keeps talking about change, and whom everyone keeps cheering?"

Father Christian

You are wise, beyond even the serpent, but some of these more secular events may have you fumbling a bit.

Let me enlighten you.

The young black man you speak of is the warm up man for the Senator Obama. They call him Barack Obama.

Here in Australia to barrack for one's team is to "get behind them" to "chear them on" to, as you would say in America, "root" for them.

To root, here in Australia, means to "go all the way to home base in the back seat of the car", but I digress.

You are right of course in that no one has yet seen, much less met, the Senator Obama himself. He has been in hiding and is now the subject of international searches around the globe by America's best CIA aggents.

All we know at this stage is that his name is Hussain Obama, he is of a dark colour, he wears a turban and he is progressive about religous matters (possibly even Islamic).

Mr Barack Obama has done a fine job whipping up the crowds and so much so that the Godly team of McCain and Palin were today defeated.

We have been promised that Mr Obabma will appear on inauguration day in January 2009. He will then be united with his team, including his Chief of Staff Randy Laden

They will be the Obama-Biden-Laden team.

My guess, prophesy if you like, is that he will soon be found in Pakistan.

Yours humbly,


PS: Go America!

Anonymous said...

I am so grateful that I followed your prophecies, Dr Troll. Otherwise I wouldn't have understood what is going on. America's greatness is shown in electing Eddie Murphy to the White House.

Doorman-Priest said...

Your wisdom is a source of inspiration. Thank you for showing us the way.

Pierre Wheaton said...

In a related vein, can you help me find my keys???

Leonard said...

Visions...visions of Christmas future...thank you dear Fr. Troll for all that you do and share...inspiration upon inspiration.

June Butler said...

Fr Christian, there's no doubt that you're the greatest living prophet today. Who would doubt your forecasts? You are always right.

Boaz, what an exemplary disciple of our great prophet you are. Could it be that Fr Christian is training you up to be his successor? Of course, we pray that the great prophet will be around to advise us for many more years to come, but it seems to me that you'd make a fine assistant prophet, even though you're from Australia. I'm not a person to give in to my prejudices.

Boaz said...

Grandmere Mimi you are too kind. I am unfit to even untie the shoes of our Father Christian.

Moreover there is an old saying, "Has anything good ever come out of Australia?"

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Boaz, my dear sinner - you are far too hard on yourself. Besides, I generally like to wear slip-ons so untying my laces would hardly pose a problem for you: it's not as if you're David Virtueor someone of his ilk.

As for the land of your birth, more greatness has come from there than you may realize: Dynamic Lifter Fertilizer(several leading clergy would have no eyebrows were it not for this invention); wine in a box (which stops Bishop Quinine from smashing his empty bottles when he gets excited), and Mel Gibson (who's done so much for international Jewish-Gentile relations).

What's more, (and few people know this) Sarah Palin's original role model was a delightful Australian woman. Which reminds me: thanks to your explanation of the Antipodean usage of the expression root I now understand why this proto-Palin became so excited when a decade ago I wrote and offered to support her: I may just have happened to use a different verb...