Sunday, August 30, 2009

"Let's start with his administrative wizardry..."

Gbenga Onayiga, the Abuja Diocesan Communicator, today wrote in the Nigerian Guardian of my ministry: “GAFCON has now grown to become a global Movement that continues to fight for the soul and future of the Anglican Communion as a Church that is faithful to the revealed and written Word of God.

Now praise this effluvial, even when coming from someone whose occupation is more correctly described as “court flatterer”, is always most enjoyable, but nobody in their right mitre ever takes it too seriously. Not even humble big Pete Akinola, of whom Gbenga speaks in such glowing terms through the rest of the article that Bishop Quinine’s first reaction upon reading it was to fear the Nabob of Nigeria had died and Michael Jackson’s hagiographers moved on to a new contract.

As I explained to him, and as anyone who’s ever spent time in a nation as socio-politically sophisticated and honest as Nigeria knows, eulogies this glowing are never produced when someone’s died, since that’s the time to curry favour with the new regime by sticking knives into the corpse of their predecessor. No, this is either the work of someone who badly wants a very large favour granted, or else he’s been ordered to start preparing the ground for a constitutional variation permitting big Pete to continue wielding his sacramental machete of office. My belief is the latter: that the modestly understated “hero of our time” has ordered his minions to get busy in order that he might soon be declared Supreme Leader for Life.

At the very least things are being set up in such a way as to ensure that the still unannounced heir is appointed unquestioned, but I have my doubts such a lad, if he ever existed at all, is still extant. Leaders of ++Akinola’s persuasion have an unfortunate tendency to eat their young.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Frank Remkiewicz aka “Tree” said...

Sounds to me like the start of a coup d'etat.

JimB said...

Is it not possible that this is the opening salvo in a campaign to become the successor. One road to the primate's throne might be pushing one's loyalty to the status quo (especially in Nigeria!) so that everyone knows you wont be making big changes if you get to be the next big man.


Leonard said...

Shabby, shabby, shabby...don´t these folks have a clever bone in their body? Perhaps they ought let Minns continue to write their material and then they can rewrite it into the local asski**ng BS they can understand in a such a culture of absolute corruption.

Leonard said...

Whoops, perhaps they DID have Minns do the first daft draft.

Lapinbizarre said...

Episcopal Café links the same article, but from another publication, The Nation (no relation, apparently, to its distinguished American namesake). Evidently a media blitz is underway. Looks like you're correct, Fr Christian, when you see this as laying the groundwork for another term for Big Pete. How many more new dioceses, legitimate and cuckoo-in-the-nest? "Wider still and wider."

Leonard said...

Well, if the PB Venables cluster of rationalizing idiotas are willing to keep the ¨grabbing greggie¨ on for another, illegal term in their tiny membership Anglican Province...what´s to stop big Pete from thinking he ought be Archdespot for life with his biggie? Really, are they related to Papa Duvalier or ¨baby doc¨ or Evita Peron...hard to figure, it´s probably a cross strain that no known treatment with eletro-shock treatments and heavy meds will cure.

Anonymous said...

Not even Peter Ould himself ever imagined such a thorough prostate massage as this!