Sunday, May 25, 2008

Minorities Create Majorities.

The Bible teaches that all sin is equally abhorrent unto the Lord, but human nature is such that we readily consider some sins more shameful than others. The wise preacher understands this, and uses it to lay guilt upon a minority of his congregation, thereby encouraging the majority to feel self-confident and smug.

This tactic is at the heart of GAFCON Christianity, and one has only to see how homogeneously self-righteous churches are growing to understand its importance. Nobody likes being a loser, so inviting the insecure to join a large triumphant mob jeering at an alienated minority can rapidly develop a large and yet pliable congregation willing to do whatever one asks lest any disobedience results in them being on the receiving end of what they’ve grown used to throwing at others.

Yet sadly Clergy have of late been losing their creativity when it comes to creating alienated and oppressed minorities. Time was that within any diocese countless ways of achieving this could be seen; some preached against a particular race or ethnic group, others against women, or even against different flavors of Churchmanship or regional accents. Nowadays this wonderful variety has gone, and we hear nothing but sodomy, sodomy, and sodomy. What’s happened to the Communion’s imagination? Have today’s preachers never learned of the dangers in placing all of one’s eggs within a single basket?

The Anglican/Episcopalian leaders of tomorrow must be men who can vilify traditional minorities while at the same time developing new ways of fostering a pack mentality among believers. It’s not enough to simply assume that our present targets will remain vulnerable forever; we must find new groups to victimise lest our children find themselves in a world where liberal notions of inclusivity dominate. Just as the Israelites could enjoy slaughtering more than just Hittites, but were also blessed with an abundance Amorites, Perizzites, and Hivites - not to mention the Jebusites and Canaanites - to overcome and destroy, so also must we vigilantly ensure we discover a continuing supply of minorities with whom to fuel growing churches.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


MadPriest said...

Speech impediment is always good value. Not only can you remind the sufferer that their affliction is God's punishment for the sins of their grandfather (most probably sodomy) but, if you are a preacher worthy of your calling, you can mimic their impediment, mercilessly, from the pulpit, which I have found always gets a good laugh from the rest of the congregation.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

That's the spirit young man! Well done! I've naturally often made fun of foreigner's accents, but in all my years of ministry completely overlooked the ministry potential of ridiculing those who lisp or stutter.

It's creativity such as yours which shall carry our church forward through these testing times. I am going to write to your dear Archdeacon Hotsweaty-Bondagebar, and recommend he start finding you a promotion immediately. Talent such as yours must be encouraged and rewarded.