Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sins of Ignorance

It is with much joy that I announce yesterday’s important Ask Father Christian segment so challenged the notorious the notorious Grandmère Mimi of Wounded Bird that she was not only compelled by the spirit to recognize me as a Citizen of Heaven, but she even confessed to practicing voodoo!

Today we continue with a similar question as that asked by the sorceress of New Orleans, although this comes from the much politer Grace Acolyte Master, whose parents were doubtless either Puritans or Christian martial-arts devotees:

Father Christian-
How big a sin is it not to know where Ichabod Springs is?

thank you for yor help
Firstly my child, please understand that while there may be some dispute as to whether “colour” should be spelled as St. Paul did, with a “u”, or without, as Bishop John-David (wasn’t he in The Waltons as a child?) does, nobody permitted to write with something more substantial than a crayon leaves the “u” out of “your”. I can quite understand you feeling nervous when addressing a Priest of my stature, but that’s still no excuse for being careless.

Having dealt with the important aspect of your letter we may now turn to your question. The answer depends on whether you are within sufficient proximity of St. Onuphrius to attend every Sunday, plus keep the other commitments which generally occupy another four to five evenings per week. As a general rule I tell people that if they’re within a 6 hour drive (one way) they’ve no excuse for not turning up – and if you fall within that category then it is indeed a most terrible sin to not know the whereabouts of our pleasant community.

If on the other hand you aren’t nearby then your lack of knowledge is to a great extend excusable. Since Ichabod Springs is not a town which welcomes outsiders (largely due to my influence, I am proud to add) it is also preferable you don’t come around. Just regularly send your donation by post and I’ll be more than happy to argue that there is Scriptural evidence for saying Christ’s Penal Substitutionary Atonement included forgiveness for your sins of geographic ignorance. After all, it’s not as if god can’t get you for something else instead, is it?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


susan s. said...

However, Dear Father Christian, it is impossible to send a donation without a Zipcode. Despite the abilities of the Lord to move mountains, the USPS moves _nothing_ without a Zipcode printed legibly on the envelope!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for yor help, Fr C. I will immediately acquire a batch of envelopes. I also understand that you prefer cash. I'm sure there's no postal service in the world that can't find you