Monday, May 12, 2008


Of all the curses, pestilences, and perversions through which The Bible teaches that the chaff is being sifted from the grain, none is as pernicious as pornography. Whereas leprosy and jock-rot merely eat away at a man’s exterior, pornography literally devours his very spirit from the inside. While famine and dysentery might cause the body to waste and perish, pornography causes the heart to grow slothful and corpulent, and a man’s vital energies to fester and putrefy. Is it merely coincidence that the current epidemic of heart disease and cancer in otherwise virile and healthy men has corresponded exactly to the global fascination with viewing material unfit for even the very gutters of hell itself?

Faithful Bible teachers must cut no corners when it comes to fighting this plague, and I’m proud to say that recently I’ve been able to expose and expel from leadership no fewer than eight members of my congregation and ministry team for accessing internet sites containing unseemly and unnatural images.

The technology which has made this miracle possible is a marvellous gift called Covenant Eyes, which was revealed to me by a wicked liberal Friend-of-Sodomites, whose evil daily blathering I monitor as part of my burdensome commitment to be aware of the enemy’s latest tactics. “Forewarned is Forearmed”, as my late uncle always said right up to the day he was accidentally killed while hunting squirrels, and you can always be certain that anything which causes a liberal to mock and jeer is sure to be a powerful tool for righteousness. That’s why I drive a Hummer.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

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