Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Anglican Heavyweights Pledge Support (Psst: Got any cheap Bishops?)

I’m delighted to hear that the Archbishops of Kenya, Ghana and a fascinating confection known as the “Diocese of Egypt with North Africa and the Horn of Africa” –(somewhere incorporating such famous hallmarks of Christian stability as Libya, Algeria, Ethiopia, Eritrea and everyone’s favourite holiday destination, Somalia) have all gone on the record as prepared to support the soon-to-be-announced North American Conservative Province.

After all, with everything that’s going on in Somalia at the moment, isn’t it good to see that Right Reverend Dr Mouneer Hanna Anis still has time to meddle in Western Anglicanism: some estimate that as many 80% of his communicants are refugees. Having torn himself away from his Diocese’s troubled heart to attend a meeting of ±Booby’s Anglican Relief and Development Fund in Vero, Florida, Bishop Anis was forthcoming in his support.

Naturally the fact that the gathering appears to have involved money being thrown at the faithful Primates’ ministries didn’t influence any of them in the slightest, but the whole thing has given me an idea: I wonder how much it would cost to gain the support of a few Anglican shakers and movers for a new “Province of Ichabod Springs”?

Just imagine the prestige of being able to swan around the globe as Primate of my own domain? Surely there must be lots of undiscovered Bishops still lurking in the corners of the globe who’d be delighted to enjoy a few fruits of their office in return for lending me their support. After all, nobody seems to have chased down the Archbishop of Chad yet, have they? And I must find out if the Primate of Greenland is interested in dancing girls: he could be a promising referee. Does anyone know if there’s an Archbishop of Antarctica? How about Slovenia?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

NB: Brother Richthofen - I’ll be double-checking my spelling on this post, so don’t think you can get away with changing any of Bishop Anis’ vowels after I’ve finished and then blaming the “typo” on me! Understand?


Frank Remkiewicz aka “Tree” said...

Does that mean brother Eric will get a "raise"?

Brother David said...

I think that your title as primate should be Exalted Metropolitan. It beats Primus, Presiding Bishop, President Bishop and Archbishop all to hell!

The Most Reverend Exalted Metropolitan Doctor Christian Troll

That rolls right of the tongue.

Anonymous said...

My, so much to look forward to...I do think your NEW PROVINCE would have more UNIVERSAL appeal than you even imagine...I´ve always been convinced that at the heart of man, and woman, there is a very ¨common¨ truth which you have embraced in your ministry seem to ¨hit the nail¨right on the ¨head¨ regarding oh so many human needs...I truly believe that you, and only you, has been delivered by the Saints into and unto us to sort out this thievery and takes a clearly observant, yet fearless, mind to face this filth amongst figments of their own holiness...stop at nothing, dear Prince Christian Troll to stop the insanity amongst those heavily tainted and demented, and their handlers, at the Anglican Communion and Commonist of Causes...count me in!

The Venerable Herbie Mix and Match

Doorman-Priest said...

Will you need a chaplain? I can swan darned good!

June Butler said...

Fr Christian, I'd like to join up, but I'm not a bishop. Once you have three bishops supporting you, what are my chances of being consecrated bishop, if I contributed a considerable sum to your noble effort? I'd want to make the leap directly to bishop, skipping the other orders, since I'm getting old, and I may not have much time left to enjoy the earthly pleasures of being a bishop.

Anonymous said...

Estimado Archbishop Christian Troll

It has come to my attention that Grandmère Mimi has been nominated, from the floored, for Bishop Suffering of Louisiana...I heartily second this nomination and also you to act swiftly as the check is clearing any day now at your Hungarian Account in the British Virgin Islands...Bishop Golpert Fez or Jamaica is willing to step up for the consecration and also cosign you onto another worthy accounting practice for the good of mankind in Panama...furthermore, and as well, ++Hiram Mengler of Argentina and +Tuti Tigre in Bolvia are is clear by the size of the interest in her mission that Bishop-elect Grandmère Mimi ought be enthroned before years end or as quickly as the Saints delivered see fit.

Yours for eternity and beyond,

+Kipling Peter-Paul-John and Mary

Guildhouse, Cathedral of Thirty Conejos y Mas, Gilroy-Sebastepol, Little Sur, Route II

Boaz said...

It's a riddle Robin.

"When does a Grandmere become a Bishop-on-a-roll?"

Holy busted Communion, Batman!

"When her Father is a Troll!"

Precisely Robin! To the Batmobile. No time to lose."

dada dada dada dada
dada dada dada dada ... Batman...

Марко Фризия said...

I think you should displace Peter Akinola as Christ's Vicar on Earth.

June Butler said...

Boaz, excellent.

+Kipling Peter-Paul-John and Mary, thanks for your support. I'm beginning to worry, because I haven't had a response from you, Fr Christian. Was the considerable sum not enough to purchase a bishopric?

Boaz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.