Sunday, August 31, 2008

For the lips of a strange woman…

In a clear oversight on God’s part, the Bible doesn’t directly prohibit American Christians from supporting anyone other than the Republicans. What’s more it’s a tragic indication of the liberal depths to which the Episcopalian Church has plummeted that some clergy are not only daring to question the marvellous way President Bush has managed the economy during these past eight years (who’d have ever dreamed parents would once again be so eager to sell their children into service as chimney sweeps?), but there has not been so much as a single outcry that some clergy are evening openly expressing their intention to vote Democrat in the forthcoming election!!!

No friends, the hour is darker than people realise, and yet even I must admit that over the past weeks a tiny speck of uncertainty about John McCain’s ability to fill President Bush’s shoes has been gnawing at my spirit. It’s not a pleasant thought, but some facts need to be faced head-on: Senator McCain has only voted in support of President George W. Bush on 90% of occasions. This means that a vote for McCain is likely to result in an administration that fails to duplicate what Americans have endured for the past eight years by as much as ten percent! And at a time like this can America afford to deviate that far from a strategy which has left her knee-deep in war, economic strife, and personal hardship?

Yet like the Psalmist, I prophetically cried “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.” (Psalm 121:1), and the Lord heard my plea. Although in this instance the help has come from Alaska, which is a good deal further north of the hills than either the Psalmist or I had in mind. Still, beggars can’t be choosers, and Sarah Palin is exactly what America needs to stay headed in the current direction for another four years. Anyone who enjoys shooting polar bears and wolves is just what McCain needs to stay on track in those troublesome one-in-ten occasions.

To settle any doubts which may have arisen in red-blooded Bible-believing Anglican hearts I’ve been busy photoshopping given by God a number of images of the sweet Vice-President-to-be. There’s no doubt these will have even the Sodomites yearning with desire for what they’re missing, and I’m proud to present the first below. Now would any ladies reading this like to help me by standing behind my monitor and asking “Have you been a naughty moose, Reverend Doctor Troll?”

I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, she's pretty cute, PLUS she was a cheerleader! How awesome is that? Every little girl will want a Sara Barracuda doll (which would be a great idea for fundraising)-- she would come with her own little babydoll family, a semiautomatic and a wonder bra. Man, what a woman! She can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, etc and so on. If you ever have the occasion to invite her to St. Onuphrius', however, you might request she check her weapons at the door, just in case she mistakes you or one of the good brothers for a moose or something.

PseudoPiskie said...

I suspect the bears might fear her more than the moose. Their lifestyle is not compatible with her religion.