Friday, August 22, 2008

The Hounds of Heaven Declare my Glory

That fine Canine Bard Grendel has presented me with an award so truly magnificent I have ordered my ministry team to gather and gaze at my sidebar’s new addition in admiration. Let me respond in detail to his moving presentation soliloquy, which was as follows:
Hi, Father Christian.
I am just a dog. I would like to give you a Big Shiny Metal Award. Don't get Mad and Yell at me. I wrote about why over at my Blog, but you can Ignore it if you want, 'cause I notice you have another Award about kicking people in the hindquarters but this isn't that type of award.

Do you Accept Dogs?
My dear inestimable hound, I most certainly do accept dogs, as well as cats and all other non-human members of our Lord’s family, including gerbils – whom urban myth cites as bringing great joy to man.

Indeed, I have never met a dog or cat not closer to the Kingdom of Heaven than any human excepting myself, and consider them as invariably possessing a kind of wisdom far surpassing that of their two-legged carers. To be perfectly honest, the way many creatures look sideways at me suggests they not infrequently see through my professions of unsurpassed ecclesiastic anointing, and leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that there’s no way I could ever persuade any of them to tithe their money/possessions/real estate/sexual partners. Which certainly makes them a lot more intelligent than the good folk of Ichabod Springs, that’s for sure.

Nor do I ever raise my voice in anger and yell at any animal. That, dear Grendel, is one of the primary purposes for which God created Curates, Deacons and Youth Workers. As for kicking hindquarters, that should be considered as the human equivalent of biting; admittedly generally unacceptable, but nonetheless frequently the most satisfying way of making one’s point. Besides, like squeaky toys and the stuffed critters most dogs enjoy tearing to shreds, some people are just made to be treated roughly. It’s easy to pick them though: they’re the ones wearing headgear commonly referred to as an “asshat”, and claiming that they only meddle in other people’s affairs “for their own good”. As opposed to myself, who unabashedly admits to only meddling in other people’s personal matters for my own good.

No, thou Tremendous Terrier, I accept your award with thanks. It is indeed shiny, metallic and big, and the figurine upon it is wearing a charming gown which I believe would look almost as fetching upon my own svelte figure. Ignore it? Never! The Bible may caution against receiving excessively praise from men, but says nothing regarding the praise of dogs, or of women, and I delight to bask in either’s recognition and attention.

After the recent murmuring from some of my previous awardees, I shall however refrain from nominating anyone else just yet… but I will, and I’m expecting all of you other bloggers to be on your best behaviour in anticipation of selection. In the meantime the rules of this honor can be found on the righteous Grendel’s post here, while background information on the award can be found on the creators’ site Arte Y Pico

Thank you again Grendel; Blessed are you among Creatures.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Leonard said...
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Anonymous said...

Oh, Dear One of Enligtening Voice and I do admire you, always and to think, this night, you've touched me, down deep, once again with your wisdom/other...well, it makes me hum I do hope that your great vision of suitablity in all that we do, or don't do, wins out in very life clings to the image of your fiery perfection as seen in the wrap and twist of luxurous gowning/draping and hem letting. Visions of lovliness, in all respects, dance in my solarplexes and lower...I send you my great gladness on this, yet, another, well selectiven/given award.

Fineness knows no limitations or calamities.

Your Brother,

The Very Very Damion Velveteenie Slewfelder-Spittlefeld Gongworthy Krantz

Principle Usher-Regent Yodeler
Mason Horovirgin Abbey and Spa

Remote Rural Road 6, Nariloop, Higgtree Beyond
"We never close"

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Velveteenie!!!! How wonderful to hear from you after all this time, you delightful old yodeller! "Touched down deep" - "dancing in yor solarplexes and lower" - you haven't also started keeping gerbils, have you?

Leonard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Dear Father Christian Troll,

Oh, great thanks for recalling myself...the gerbil business went down here, not knowing personally of course, after the plagueanites sacked the ranch in the 80's...things went a twitter and off-track for a while but all is well at the spa/abbey and Norabelle "Cheeky" Zimmerman-Peron (whom you may remember saving from variously overcolorful downfalls that were self-inflicted) has now taken to growing peaches and's a multi-choice kind of add-on.

We think of you as night're humble followers we remain...that you for your online ministry where all can share in.

Vel "teenie" Krantz

"we never close"

P.S. If you would be so kind please stop Leonardo Ricardo from trying to "horn in"...I can't always overide the "comment" program...he's been a real nuisance and refuses to pay his bill at the Spa...there, now everyone knows how he looks so's the facials and nothing he did on his own.

Grendel said...

Hi, Father Christian Troll,

Not only are you a Major Dog Acceptor, but a Snouterrific Gooperson!

I think you said many Good Things about Dogs (although some of it I couldn't understand), and I will never ever forget that you called me a Tremendous Terrier. My hindquarters (not having been kicked) are quivering in Joy!

I am So Glad I gave you the Big Shiny Award!

P.S. You seem to like Gerbils a Lot.

I'm Just Saying.

Love and Gravy,