Monday, June 2, 2008

Tips for Travellers

Continuing the important work of my Ask Father Christian ministry I will today address an important question from a dear young lady seeking urgent Biblical teaching. With an obedient heart she pleads:
I am wondering what scriptures should guide me in choosing a vacation spot or activity. In the Bible there is much talk, of course, about wandering in wildernesses, missionary journeys, even going out two by two, but these don't seem to have much relevance when one is deciding, say, between Paris and Puerto Vallarta.
Travel is a wonderful thing, and I know from personal experience that it can be extremely rewarding providing one is cautious when carrying “packages” through customs. There are, however, a great many dangers beyond those involving sniffer-dogs and strip-searches.

Foremost of these is the risk of having one’s mind broadened. Scripture is clear: "broad is the road that leads to destruction" (Matthew 7:13). Meeting foreigners can easily lead one to reach the erroneous conclusion that they are in fact human, a heresy which if unchecked will soon destroy the strongest faith.

To guard against this I normally advise anyone planning a holiday to select as mindless a destination as possible: beach-side resorts (particularly those insulated against local residents) and the cheaper cruise ships are excellent in this regard. Yes, they might be riddled with the vices of fornication and drunkenness, but these are nothing compared with the much more dangerous sin of thinking.

As an alternative, however, Jerusalem and the Holy Land are about to experience an influx of ecclesiastical visitors on a "pilgrimage". This might be an alternative well worth considering. Granted the company will at times be tedious, and I’d advise you keep well clear of Big Pete Akinola when he cuts loose in the evening with a belly full of Goldstar, but on the other hand just think of the prestige you’ll gain among the gang over at Stand Firm. Simply by starting any comment you might care to make with "When I was in Jesrualem at GAFCON, (insert any name you care to drop here) and I discussed …." will guarantee you’ll never get deleted – no matter how outlandish your post may be. Just a thought…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


MadPriest said...

In my regular perusal of the "Banner of Truth" magazine I have noticed adverts stating that pastors who encourage (compel) their congregations to go on over-priced package holidays to the lands trodden by our Lord, Paul of Tarsus, are rewarded for their hard work by getting to go on the trip themselves, completely buckshee. As a pastor who has always taken very seriously the Biblical injunction to make a profit from your investments, I was wondering if you would be leading your adherents, real and virtual, on such a trip in connection with this ecclesiastical freebie you mention above.

I also notice that they call these priestly organisers "travel guides." You, sir, would be ideally suited for such a task as your encyclopaedic knowledge of scripture means you know where everything is. This is a damn site better than your modern Israelite who seems to have no idea where places like Mount Sinai are located. I mean, I ask you, how do you lose something as big as a bloody mountain?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

My Son in Faith,

I have indeed undertaken these ministry tips on many occasions in the past, enabling the wealthier members of my congregation to be blessed by witnessing me stand in the very footprints once trodden by St.Paul and that other fellow he kept mentioning.

While it it is indeed a good lurk for young clergy such as yourself, these days I prefer less energetic ways of "skinning the cat" which don't require spending 14 days and nights in my parishioners' company; endlessly inventing answers to their questions and never being allowed a moment away from their adoring but beady gaze. Simply intimidating them into spending an entire day clicking my Adsense links can be equally profitable, and involves far less work.

As for Mt. Sinai - what can one expect from foreigners? Thye'll lose anything if you're not careful.