Saturday, May 9, 2009

Things people say after first visiting a church.*

  • “The nasty lukewarm coffee they begrudgingly gave us after the service showed they really care.”

  • “I wish the sermon had continued for another 40 minutes.”

  • “The way the sidesman tried to peer down my blouse made me feel really comfortable.”

  • “If only more Ministers had racked up as many frequent-flyer points as him I’m sure everyone would go to church.”

  • “It would be so rewarding to become a part of all this in-fighting.”

  • “We liked the way the regulars kept staring at us.”

  • “Just because the Youth Ministry Leader kept wanting to touch our children is no reason to not trust him.”

  • “Asking ‘Didn’t you once pose for Hustler?’ seemed a perfectly normal way for the Vicar to start a conversation.”

  • “That the Minister’s wife kept bursting into tears for no apparent reason is hardly reason to think anything might be wrong.”

  • “Next time we’ll leave a bigger offering if they treat us more rudely.”

  • “It’s so inspiring to hear someone with no musical ability sing ‘Shine Jesus, Shine’ to the accompaniment of an untuned guitar.”

    *Collated in the course of my many years experience, research, and observation.

    I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

    Thomas Williams said...

    Some others I've heard:

    "That sermon about how horrible the bishop is really moved me."

    "My only complaint is that the announcements didn't go on long enough."

    Frank Remkiewicz aka “Tree” said...

    Why couldn't we have Morning Prayer and Communion?"

    "Is there any reason why Sunday School and the Service aren't separate?"

    "I sure am sorry I came late and did not get to sit in the front pew."

    orczy said...

    "Seeing the priest get really tense at the readers getting words wrong really made me want to be involved. Do you have a readers roster?"