Never get involved with anything organised by a Bishop named Peter.
Besides, yesterday the truly exciting news for everyone who takes the Scriptures seriously came out of Washington D.C., not Jerusalem. In a monumental victory for the faithful everywhere (which I’m quite certain all of you are already celebrating), the Supreme Court has overturned an immoral apostate mincing-liberal ban on handguns.
Now there’s no secret that I am a great admirer of firearms. I like their smell, and their strangely exciting penetrative shape that requires constant polishing, cleaning and attention. Above all, however, I like the way they kill.
After turning the other cheek (in accordance with the Scriptures) nothing lets a critic know who’s boss like shooting them. Bleeding-hearts who complain about public safety issues simply don’t know what they’re talking about: if fewer people carried handguns American ER surgeons wouldn’t lead the world when it comes to treating bullet wounds: it takes experience and practise to be number one, and in a selfless act of public service handgun owners ensure the professionals receive all opportunities they need to develop their skills.
What’s more, my dear father’s interest in handguns kept him sharp as a tack right up until the day he was accidentally killed. While a tremor did make his aim a little unwieldy, despite severe dementia several deceased community nurses could have testified that he was still able to pull the trigger as healthily as the day he was born (in our family children learn to handle guns at a really early age). I’ve no doubt that somewhere in heaven he’s now looking down and rejoicing that the people of Washington can once again enjoy their constitutional right to pass on in a similar manner to him.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.