After I completed yesterday’s epistle my maid-servant (in accordance with 1 Kings 1:1-3) became distressed that I was about to reveal too much concerning the core secret to my ministry’s success. Being a foreigner, she is an excitable creature, so I took little notice of her. Yet when she began to suggest her family members would be concerned I began to pay attention, since while these gentlemen are also foreigners they are also persons of some influence, and happen to carry very sharp knives (doubtless in accordance with Luke 22:36 – although in this instance I believe they sold Consuella’s clothes and not their own).
Consequently I must apologise, but I have deemed it more prudent to not be too explicit in my explanation of what I meant by “mission” as being the core of my ministry’s success. Anyone not able to follow the teaching I so compassionately am about to offer is advised to not worry about it, and instead contact me in regard to a wonderful bridge in Brooklyn I may be able to sell very cheaply.
That said, when I say “mission” please don’t think I mean the kind of project which involves learning to speak a foreign language, and actually caring about people who live in other countries. That sort of thing might be all very well for those who take Jesus seriously, like Padre Mickey, but the Christian who understands the GAFCON way of reading Scripture knows this is no way to fulfil the promise of Daniel 11:43.
No: by mission I mean a quick flight to certain countries nominated by one of Consuella’s relatives (normally in south America, but occasionally in South East Asia), wherein a fine lunch is shared with a contact of Consuella’s relatives, after which they are given a parcel of Bibles in return for a package to be given to one of their contacts back at home.
As I said at the start, in the light of further Biblical study it seems appropriate to not disclose more at this point. Nevertheless, I trust that those called to teach the Bible, and whom would also seek the Blessing due to them will, as the Scriptures teach: "Listen to me, everyone, and understand this.” (Mark 7:14).
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.