Well, it’s the 20th of June this morning, and I really should be on my way by now, but dear me, there seem to be just so many problems facing this loyal servant of the Scriptures...
If you’re one of Big Pete’s faithful band of merry men then you must understand that I'm getting on in years, and a lifetime of faithfully teaching the Scriptures in the face of dreadful persecution has extracted a heavy price upon my health. I’m certain to be with you soon, dear brothers, but if I’m late just start without me. Please understand that any delay will be entirely the fault of the wicked liberal apostates and their purulent Bishops wallowing knee-deep in Sodomy.
If, on the other hand, you’re from my Bishop’s office then kindly tell His Grace how much I look forward to discussing things further in our meeting scheduled for later today, and give my regards to all the other faithful members of His household. Nor allow yourself to forget that I remain the only Priest of any significance not to have currently deserted his parish, and how unwise it would be to upset me by blocking any of the ministry funding for which I’ve applied for.
Lastly, whichever side you of the Communion’s divide you fall upon, I suggest a long and hard look at the trouble Big Pete’s experienced in Jordan and remember to never try and double cross me when it comes to something as trivial as royalties promised in return for using my ministry’s name. These troubles at the Jordanian border were just a warning: next time might involve a cavity search and the Israeli Secret Police. And, as Brother Richthofen reminded me, those fellows know a few tricks that even his friends from seminary haven’t heard of.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.