As everyone has probably realised, this past week has been quiet around St. Onuphrius. A blessed side-effect of this has been that I’ve had more time to devote to everyone’s Ask Father Christian pleas for help, and I’ve re-read the Bible another eight times from cover to cover just to make sure nothing’s changed since I last went hunting for loopholes. But on the down side GAFCON men are men of conflict, and all this peace unsettles my heart.
Part of the problem is that since my last Curate spontaneously combusted there just hasn’t been anyone at whom I can confidently express my anger at the violence tearing apart the very fabric of our society. I am gentle man, and the violence with which women, sodomites, liberals, children and animal-lovers are destroying all that we cherish simply makes me need to hit someone, and to hit them hard. Hence our last Curate's usefulness.
The one cheering ray has been a truly offensive letter from a woman calling herself Pseudopiskie - a name of obviously foreign origin. In an absolutely enraging epistle she implied there is something frock-like about the vestments Men of God are called to wear as part of our sacred service.
Madam, since you are clearly one of those trouser-wearing feminists who labor under the illusion that Jesus did not expressly forbid women to wear anything practical and allowing for freedom of movement, I obviously must explain to you that frocks are graceful, delicate garments, trimmed in lace and made of rich, soft fabrics which gently caress the skin and reflect the wearer’s innate beauty. Clerical Vestments, on the other hand, are graceful, delicate garments, trimmed in lace and made of rich, soft fabrics which gently caress the skin and reflect the wearer’s innate beauty.
The latter, as you would have been taught were you not ensnared by an apostate liberal church, were ordained by God as fitting garments for men, to be worn when ministering unto His people. The former are a garment created for women, and may only be worn by men on certain special occasions with a few trustworthy companions. Which is another thing I miss about our last Curate.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.