A woman whose mother was not entirely correct (somebody does care – Father Christian always cares until I’m certain a person can be of no further use to my ministry) has written asking why none of the ‘Gathered Brethren’ of the internet ever post comments here.
Dear Wicked Sinners – this touches on a nerve of great sensitivity for me: the truth is relations with many of my former students and acolytes is currently rather strained. Since little Kendall Harmon has refused to renounce his Wiccan involvement with elves I’ve had no choice but to sever all contact with him (Deut 18:10) - and incidentally, his latest post which praises colored men playing golf (or large cats becoming sexually aroused – and I’m unsure which is more inappropriate for a Christian to discuss), shows the depths to which he’s sunk.
On the other hand I believe young Father Kennedy is currently smitten with jealousy, and avoiding me in the hope I will simply go away and permit him to once again hold the firmest standing virtual pulpit on the internet. While poor David Virtue has been unaware of the existence of anyone other than himself for years: the poor little fellow thinks the rest of the web was turned off in 2005. His loyal assistant (the one with the foreign name who looks as if he used to be a member of the The Village People) has been desperately trying to bring David back to reality, but so far without success.
Which leaves nobody else capable of supporting me in this onerous task of teaching the Bible to those who least deserve it. Baby Puce (or whatever she’s called) doesn’t even sneeze without Fr Matt going first, and while there’s a few Australians online that display an admirable belligerence, they are either all related and just a mite genetically challenged, or desperately trying to marry into the Jensen Family so they can obtain jobs which don’t involve wrestling crocodiles and screaming “crikey”
No, this difficult task is mine and mine alone – although as I am a pious man I do like to give the Holy Spirit credit for less successful parts of my ministry. It’s not an easy calling to be The World’s Greatest Bible Teacher, and sometimes life can be lonely – but then I turn to the Word and hear Our Lord speak directly to me and the whole struggle feels worthwhile.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.