Monday, October 13, 2008

African GAFCON Leaders: Mark Thompson

Mark Thompson, the African GAFCON leader pictured above, is for me forever linked with great personal shame; a fact I have hitherto never shared with anyone. It is a cause of unceasing embarrassment to my family that our proud lineage is stained by a wayward nephew, a young Priest of such despicable inclinations that words simply fail to describe him.

In an attempt to set the lad straight we banished him to the other side of world, where it was hoped a spell at a strict educational establishment would make him see the error of his ways. Upon enrollment he was entrusted to the care of the nascent theological powerhouse above, who after unquestioningly serving the Jensen family while himself a student had just been rewarded with an appointment as a junior lecturer, with particular responsibility for students of my nephew’s dismal calibre. Given the zeal with which he had previously debased himself as class toadie, my family held high hopes that he might similarly be able to reform our disgraceful black sheep.

Tragically this was not to be. One of my nephew’s friends and fellow students (another truly shocking excuse for a clergyman) to this day describes Mark Thompson as “the stupidest person I’ve ever encountered” - no mean feat considering the company he keeps. Instead of impressing his students with Biblical maturity, insight and unyielding orthodoxy, Mark Thompson instead became known throughout his home town of Sydney Australia as “the Duck” on account of the vaguely orgasmic quacking sound he'd make when pronouncing the name “Luther” – a figure whom the Rev. Dr. Thompson remains convinced was actually an English Puritan.

With this sort of thinking it was inevitable that Duck Thompson would become a key member of the GAFCON Theological Resource Group, and it has now been revealed that he was one of those attending the recent Ugandan meeting of which until now nothing has been announced. Perhaps one reason for the secrecy was that not all of the Confessing Fellowship (or whatever they’re called this week) are too happy about the Resource Group’s membership: how the Forward in Faith Catholics must feel about this charming little essay, which blames all of contemporary Anglicanism’s problems on Newman and Tract XC, is anyone’s guess. Whatever you do just don’t ask Layman Schofield for an opinion: the resulting apoplexy would undoubtedly be fatal.

Curiously enough this piece was removed over a month ago from the GAFCON site, although it is still on the Anglican Church League’s, a fact obviously unrelated to Mark’s presidency of that association (which itself says more about them than I ever could). In its place GAFCON has put an article entitled “Authority in the Church” which should prove less inflammatory, although even this is not cited in the body of the GAFCON “Resource Papers” page, but is instead buried in the left hand links column. Perhaps the fundamentalist Muslim scholar from whom the Duck plagiarised his doctrine of Scripture has taken offence, and would like his due credit.

Beyond all this, however, it remains that when seeking to understand the Duck’s key role in GAFCON one must recognize his obvious African heritage. Just as ++Akinola keeps saying, GAFCON is a movement of the two-thirds world against the apostasy of their former colonial masters. Whereas my foolish nephew still insists Rev. Thompson is as stereotypical an example of sheltered Sydney Anglicans as is possible to find, any Bible Believer looking at this Jensen family serf can easily see he’s just as much an African as the Ethiopian eunuch of Acts 8:27. Except perhaps the eunuch was more virile. And much nicer.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

Ah, the gaze...I know that daze of a´s the let´s not talk about anything that I can´t comprehend or scares me daze/gaze...I was struck down by it myself for a decade (or so)...actually, I drank a 5th to ¨get it¨nightly and then hit myself over the head with the empty bottle in the morning (after praying that I wouldn´t live)...and then, off to work! Pretty is as pretty does, they say! Yes, there is a solution but he must stop with the specially distilled Orombi'ju'ju Juice...surely that nice other white man with the ¨fun¨ and vividly colorful camisa might brew something up to cure him from the Original Oxford Groups purging ceremony (something about boiled tomatos)...yummy, yummy...we can only hope he finds his way to wherever it is that he thinks he´s going.

Bruce Doris Trillion-Fez, author
Bang Bang, Who´s There?

Two Cents said...

If you drew a beard, moustache and Cavalier hat on the lad then made his hair long and black and dressed him in the 16th C garb of a sailor and threw sea salt in his eyes, he'd look exactly like a painting I have of a distant relative who was reputed to have captained a ship of saints about the south seas searching for sea vessels in distress who they would help from sinking by unburdening them of their cargo, women and booze. The resemblance is truly remarkable.

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