Friday, October 17, 2008

A Special Welcome to Everyone from Montreal

Out my great love for the people of Montreal I have in the past frequently prayed that that the Lord would smite them in entirety on account of them (a) being foreigners, (b) being Québécois, and (c) often speaking a language other than English (and I don't just mean Canadian).

As is so often Our Lord’s way, instead of following my suggestions, which involved a Pussycat Dolls concert, followed by a Star Trek convention and total nuclear destruction, He (somewhat impudently, if you ask me) has had another idea, which involves bringing the Diocese of Montreal into repentance, accompanied by a wholesale visit to none other than me – the World’s Greatest Doctrinal Warrior – as a result of a thoughtful link at the bottom of the page here.

In response I would like to extend a special welcome to all of you from the city which inspired my favourite car of all time (although for everyday use my Hummer is far more practical), and trust that through sitting here at my feet you will come to understand for yourselves how great the Anglican Communion will be once everyone repents of such sinful apostate liberal notions of loving one’s neighbour and not casting the first stone.

In fact given time I’ve no doubt we can make Montreal as famous as Toronto when it comes to blessing the rest of Christendom, and if like me you’re getting on a bit in years and aren’t too confident of not having an embarrassing accident after a fit of prolonged laughter, the Montreal Blessing should prove vastly more sophisticated. It’s going to take me a while to work out the precise details, but at very least it should incorporate the Holy Spirit summonsing one to partake of a meal at Dunn’s Famous on Metcalfe Street, followed by an evening of wine and coffee in the Quartier Latin. I know this sounds a rigorous spiritual exercise, but as you’ll come to realise, we don’t do things by halves here at St. Onuphrius’

First of all, however, you’re going to have to understand that God didn’t use all those inconvenient dashes and accent things when dictating the Scriptures, so get rid of them. Have you folk any idea ohow long it took me to work out how to type Québécois?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

5 comments :

PseudoPiskie said...

I'll be in Montreal next June. If you make a pilgrimage and are there then, perhaps we might lift a few together?

Two Cents said...

Oh Good Dr. - those folks in norther Ontario will love anyone to keep warm. And those infernal French Canadians will stick their accents anywhere they can - spelling and otherwise - to make themselves known.
Pseudopiskie - be careful travelling in Mount Royal - biker warfare cares not for bystanders. Practise hitting the dirt and covering your head for at least two weeks before going there. I have my wife shriek, "GUN" at random intervals in the weeks following any of my trips there, just to keep my reflexes sharp. Its why I'm alive today praise Jesus. Sometimes she thinks its funny to scream, "Homosexual!" just to test my awareness.
Fr. Christian - keep an eye on the Diocese of Ottawa for some interesting things to emerge. Bishop Chapman is a man of my heart and one who is never afraid to rock the boat in love.

Ann Marie said...

I was in Montreal a number of years ago for a conference. It was a real eye-opener for this small town prairie gal. It was my first time riding on a subway and my first time ever seeing a street busker.

We got off for good behaviour one night and decided to tour old Montreal. It was a hoot. One great big street party. I have many fond memories of Montreal.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

David |Dah • veed| said...

Montreal is Frenchy for Monterrey!

Father David Heron said...

On their foreign website those Canadians insultingly describe you, Dr Troll, as "funny stuff". What is "funny" about being a Warrior for Truth? There a far too many funny Anglicans in the world without you being numbered among them, Father. Visitors to your site come only for serious teaching.