Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Cries of Faith

A fine young gentleman and his foreign friend have in the comments of last Sunday’s post “White people are not good Christians” asked some pertinent questions in relation to Archdeacon Ilogu and his curious understanding of western inter-species relationships. Their inquiries are indeed in the process of receiving my fullest attention, in the course of which The Hounds and I are conducting complex research involving Evangelical Eric and a loin cloth made of Schmackos.

Consequently it will be another day or so before authoritative Biblical answers can be provided, but rest assured we will get to the bottom of the matter (literally in Eric’s case) no matter how much exegesis may be required on the part of my Curate. At the same time Brother Richthofen is searching the web for a picture of the learned Archdeacon Ilogu so that we might be able to photoshop something funny-but-vaguely-insulting place a face to his wisdom.

In the meantime I am drawing attention to another plaintive cry too profound to languish unnoticed in the comments field: a sweet epistle from an obviously pure and unsullied Christian maiden who stands as a testimony to witness of Archbishop Akinola and his countless compatriot clergy:
My Father Christian

Sir, I know you love and pay honour to the Bible and I too love pets and will kiss and please them if it be not watching by any other.

Today I request for your ssistance because I believe that you are not going to betray the trust which I wish to lie on top of you.

I dear Beloved pray all is well with you and others with members of your big family.

My name is Orgy I am 20 years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs. Borgee. My father was a highly reputable busnness magnet-(a cocoa merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in Paris (France) during one of his business trips abroad on 12the November 2005. My only happiness was him having gay time.

My mother died when I was just 6 years old, by lion, and since then my father took me so special as for luck.

Before the death of my Father on November 12th 2005 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told her that he has the sum of (USD$17.5 000 000) Seventeen Milion five hundred thousand dollars left in a metalic trunk box, wich he deposited in a Security Company here in abidjan, that he registered it as family valuable items for security reasons, he told the secretary
that I should contact the Company for them to know me as his next of kin wich I have did as he instructed.

He also told the secretary that I should not let any of his relations to know about this because he was kiled by them and if they know about it, that they will do nothing but to kill me (also with lion) in order to take hold of every thing in the box.

He told her that I should seek, a foriegn partner abroad who will help look after my box.

My dear Bible teacher, this is why I have come in contact with you in order to help me retreive that trunk from the Security Companys custody and send it direct to your country and also to make an arrangement for me on how I will come over to your country in other to continue my Love and Education and also to go into relationship with you. I am still a child but have good affection and I don't know any thing about the love or business but my box will surely give you pleasure.

Now permit me to ask these few questions:

1. Can I completely trust you?
2.Can you accept me as your own blood Sister (Or Doughter)?
3.What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you?

Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible with your full assurance that you will not disapoint me in this issue so that i can give you the contact of the Security Company for you to contact them on how the trunk box will be retreived from their custody and deliver to your country.

Thank you so much for your understanding and may almighty God bless you and your Family to the Glory of God Almighty,

My sincere regards,

Dear Child: I’ll take 90% (leaving you a Biblical tithe of 10%), and of course you can trust me. I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


PseudoPiskie said...

Perhaps you could sell her that bridge?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

What a good idea, my faithful Pseudopiskie - it just so happens that the bridge's price is Seventeen Milion five hundred thousand dollars (USD$17.5 000 000) - exactly the same amount as this young lady happens to have. With a coincidence like this it's obvious the transaction is meant to occur.

Anonymous said...

I could help...you know I´m always as near as a Maya Messagerunner who sprints...we are famous for dodging intrusive mischiefmakers and all other matter of dishonorable politicos and businessraking men.

If called, I will serve.

Gonzalo the Good

Two Cents said...

I like the way you guys think - surely driven by the spirit. Perhaps the coincidence or pre-ordination of this encounter deepens when one considers that Consuela could provide training, for a fee of course, and for a portion of the girl's income, find her employment of the type she has obvious talent for.

David |Dah • veed| said...

I fear that someone has done the good bible teacher in. There have been no posts for many a day!

Robert said...

David, '

Perhaps we should appoint you and the personal protection for Dr. Christian so you can watch over him day and night!>

David |Dah • veed| said...

I know well that I am not profoundly Orthodox enough for such a heavy responsibility!

I went to an ecumenical United Methodist seminary and my stool has four legs, not three!

Whereas I subscribe to the Lambeth Quadrilateral, I am also guilty of using the Wesleyan Quadrilateral; scripture, tradition, experience and reason.

Robert said...

Dear David,
While you indeed might not be profoundly orthodox enough to guard the good Reverend Doctor's body, I suspect that you are good looking enough and sitting as his feet and drinking in his wisdom will provide you all the orthodoxy you will need.