Thursday, October 9, 2008

African GAFCON Leaders: Stephen Noll

Recently all manner of scurrilous allegations have started to be voiced concerning GAFCON’s legitimacy as the true voice of two-thirds worlds Anglicans fed up with Apostate Westerners turning their backs on good old-fashioned colonialist bigotry and hatred. To counter this falsehood, which dares to suggest GAFCON actually represents a move by disenfranchised white conservatives to further their own causes by throwing money at African churches in order to garner support and legitimacy for their campaign against such evils as human rights, equality, and the need for clergy to receive an academically rigorous theological education, I am starting an occasional series on some of the lesser known GAFCON leaders.

This will, I have no doubt, show that despite defections to the English ++Venables are currently outnumbering those to ++Akinola by something like ten to one, the spirit, heart and effluvia of GAFCON remains intrinsically indigenous. Colonial notions of white leadership have been consigned to the dustbin of history, and what we are now witnessing is an uprising of those to whom the faith was delivered so long ago. The nations whose ancestors whose ancestors quite probably ate those who initially brought them the Gospel have now been called to bring those first truths back to the nations who dispatched these faithful but under-armed missionaries.

First up in this new series is The Rev. Prof. Stephen Noll, Vice Chancellor of Uganda Christian University in Mukono Uganda. Pictured here with his wife Peggy, I must confess to finding the pair strangely arousing, although this may just be an after-effect of the mushrooms Bishop Quinine found growing in the woods.

As you can see, they are both living examples of GAFCON’s African origins, and it is believed “Grassy” (as Dr. Noll is known to his associates) was a key player in the conference recently held at his esteemed institution.Since GAFCON represents a new wave of openness and transparency for all Bible Believers, irrespective of their nationality and ability to think coherently, it’s quite understandable that not a word of this soiree’s proceedings has been made public. Transparency doesn’t involve telling people what you’re doing, and anyone suggesting to the contrary is nothing more than a bare-faced Reappraiser.

No; transparency actually involves using every cliché you’ve ever heard, and making every promise under the sun, in order to convince others of your own legitimacy. Which is why we in the west should all feel so ashamed of having abandoned the Scriptural foundations of our first love in our race to Hell in a handbasket while the church we grew up in is hijacked by the Homosexual Conspiracy etc etc etc blah blah…..

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Anonymous said...

My name is Virgil Heathenhwhite and I´m a subscriber to various forms of reasserting influences amongst the dreaded homosensualists devilistic marymakers...I´ve seen this all before and since and I can easily underscore your absolute perceptiveness about the groupings and intermingling bigotry amongst the clingers and grippers of all shapes and sizes...I especially have found it very immoralistic that the mixing and blending of goodly fundamentalism with rearranged versions of neoconistic panicdriven adventuresomeness in the person of the Sun Scream number 20 +Vacables, Grassy Noll and other Sonworshippers and whatnot capers of lightfooted lightfingered sorts. Please remain vigilant as this underzipping of our very standards and holetrandition have been diluted and puked upon by estupidititos-itas on the take and make.

Thank you for your concern and also for the perky photograph of Archbishop Orombi´s loyal, and well trusted, assistant and his wife...their very adventerous being reminds me of Christians past and the light that may come to the Continent that one day will distance itself from corruption, murder, theivery, superstiousness and hate...while moving away from doedoe dontisticios.

I thank you for all that you do and don´t do.

You may call me Virg,

Virgil Heathenwhite

MadPriest said...

There's a rumour going round MadPriest Towers (probably started by that tarty woman from the Press), that for one of the sessions at the recent conference the organisers called in some PR guru who spent three hours trying to persuade the paler delegates that the word "boy" was no longer de rigeur and that maybe "my good man" was a more appropriate way to address the conference centre staff. It was exactly the same with New Labour when they were seeking election 10 years ago. They went PC crazy and ended up throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It is my fear, as an old school missionary, that GAFCON are in danger of making the same mistake.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Goodness me, is that photo of Mr and Mrs. Dr. Grassy Nollphobos out for a lurch in the great beyond? I wonder if they are trying to locate the Homoinfiltrators they are convinced have carried sinfilled toxins of twinkletoedness into Uganda? I´m normally not catty BUT doesn´t the good scholar look a little on the overly colorful side of vividy ¨things¨?

It´s a jungle out there!

James R. said...

It must be quite wonderful to be so consistently smug and vapidly self assured...carry on.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

One only has that confidence and self-assurance because one has twisted the Bible sufficiently hard to provide it, my dear little James R.

As I'm sure you well know...

MadPriest said...

I have checked thoroughly, Father, and I am certain the word "vapidly" cannot be found anywhere in The Good Book. It must be a pagan word and I think you should remove James' Epistle (in true Lutheran style) in case any children, here to enquire after the truth their parents are hiding from them, should accidently read it and end up traumatised for life.