Thursday, July 23, 2009

Another town in Schismland.

I know that some of you felt little Bobby Duncan was being just a tad histrionic when citing Bedford, Texas, and Anaheim, California as contemporary metaphors for the ancient dualistic imagery of Jerusalem and Babylon, but I’ve spent a lot of time closely studying pictures of the sin people get up to in Disneyland. It might be unfashionable to say this, but as a the world’s Leading Conservative I'm not going to let reason influence my sense of moral outrage: baring one’s breasts on a watery roller-coaster is every bit as wicked as worshipping Baal or sacrificing one’s first-born to demonic idols. That I’m finding it so hard to find a way of blaming this activity on the Bishop of New Hampshire is just further proof of Anaheim’s dreadful iniquity.

Yet it does appear Archcultist Duncan has overlooked the fact that there are actually more than just two cities in the wonderfully murky world of Anglican schism, just as there’s a lot more than just one pseudo-province. At this very moment the Diocese of the Eastern United States, part of the Anglican Province of America, has gathered under the leadership of the Most Reverend Wally Grundorf (honestly: you couldn’t make these names up, could you?) for their 2009 Synod in Gainesville, Georgia.

The APA web site seems to have as many broken links as the fellows running the "province", so further details have so far proved elusive, but the important challenge before Bible-believing Christians is to now find a role for Gainesville in ACNA’s allegorical topography: is it Mildendo? Or since little Bobby is clearly not the most literary of schismatics, perhaps Ponyville? Any Dearly Beloved Sinner suggesting Harper Valley will immediately be sent to me for a spanking.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

8 comments :

Lapinbizarre said...

On the "couldn't make these names up" front, don't forget the Rt Rev'd Royal U Grote of the Reformed Episcopal Church.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

What can you say? With a name like that could he have been anything other than a disgruntled pseudo-epsicopalian? Except maybe a species of catfish, or a down-market north-English tobacco ('scuse, guvnor, but you couldn't spare a few pence for a plug o' Old Grote, could y'?)
Thank you for this: it's been much appreciated here in Ichabod Springs.

david virtue's bountiful bosom said...

Gainesville is the location of Georgia's state insane asylum.

I'm just saying.

Lapinbizarre said...

Happy to be of service. Should have linked this scan of Bishop Grote in Cranmerian get-up.

david virtue's bountiful bosom said...

Bosom's Law: The smaller the schismatic splinter group, the more grandiloquent the titles and vestments.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Lapin, where do you find this stuff? Fr Christian should hire you on.

Fr Christian, Lapin is retired now, so he's available.

susan s. said...

I see the bishop does his shopping at Almy...

Doorman-Priest said...

The most recent sighting of a Canterbury Cap.

Wow! Well done Lapin!