Thursday, July 30, 2009

So you think your Bishop is bad?

A star guest at the recent Inaugral ACNA Assembly was the recently retired Bishop of Okigwe-North in the Church of Nigeria, the Rt Rev Alfred Nwaizuzu. At the close of the business sessions, he rose to congratulate the self-satisfied schismatics, and joyfully announced: “Archbishop Akinola is happy.”

As the world’s leading Doctrinal Warrior I felt a sense of duty to find out something more about this hitherto unknown prelate, so went hunting around to find a little about his background.

And what I’ve discovered is crazy. Not Father Christian-Ichabod Springs crazy, but hit-man-Archdeacons-with-guns batshit crazy. As in “The Bishop illegally transferred me from my station to work under his hatchet man, Venerable Kenneth Olebara, who is a gun man. That was where I was meant to have been killed” crazy.

It’s not a short article, but you really need to read it.
Go here.

Now I’m not an investigative journalist, I’m a Priest. So I don’t have all the resources to verify this that I’d like to have, but I have spent a fair bit of time on the telephone to Nigeria and so far everything checks out. The man behind this story, Emmanuel Asiwe, recently had to flee his homeland as a result of his outspoken stance against corruption and fraud. Among Nigerian human-rights activists his reputation is impeccable. I believe he's telling the truth. Everyone I’ve spoken to insists this is an extreme but accurate example of life in the kingdom of thugs over which Akinola presides.

It’ll be interesting to see if little Bobby Duncan responds: I’ll bet he does his best to ignore this. Although next time he takes the moral high ground about anything I suggest we all remind him of the company he’s not ashamed to keep.

I’m Father Christian, and I’m proud to not be in any way associated with CANA.


Raspberry Rabbit said...

I've found the Scottish Episcopal Church at times to be a little, shall we say, 'tepid' in terms of the very few avenues for raw male energy which it affords its clergy. One thing you gotta same for the CANA lads - they've got themselves wrapped up with a wild bunch. Good on 'em!

Anonymous said...

I believe every Archdeacon should be a paid assassin. There are far too many soppy Archdeacons in the Church. +Cantuar should send a hit-man to ACNA immediately.

Lapinbizarre said...

A remarkable story, Fr Troll. A guy who could teach Phil, "Blow Things Up", Ashey a trick or two. Do you suppose he took the opportunity to do so? Not to mention fellow Nigerian clergymen Minns & Sugden. All of which is nothing, weighed against the sin of consecrating an openly gay bishop.

david virtue's bountiful bosom said...

It is always so edifying to learn the latest news from Orthodoxy's Homeland!

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Not to mention fellow Nigerian clergymen Minns & Sugden¨

Exactly, these seekers of souls are actually hired bloodsuckers instead who may not be aware of ¨what they do¨...wouldn´t you think sticky fingered Minns knows what´s shaking? If I were he, and thank God I´m not, I would take his entire VIRGINIA ANGLICAN CAPER away from CANA NIGERIA and hook up immediately with less deadly religious grandstanding blowhards and dumb to stay connected...dump Akinola, dump the Nigerian House of Spiritual Midgets and rush to the side of Dr. Christian Troll and Bishop Quinine and seek´s time these twits start hanging out with REAL MEN!

Laura Toepfer said...

Holy moly!

Canon Itchy said...

Bat shit crazy indeed. Makes one want to scratch...hard!

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...

I can only say that the shortage of firearms in the Bronx since Mayor Bloomberg's accession to the Mayoral Seat of Overrated Power has had its impact on parish life. I can still point to the bullet-hole in my Parish Hall window that appeared as if by miraculous intervention in the days of my predecessor. Sadly, the hole and its accompanying cracks, even stabilized by heavy-weight transparent tape, do not bear a sufficient likeness to OBL or the BVM, or even Simon of Stylites or some other lesser luminary, to make a seemly profit from the breakage. It merely serves as a preventative when members of the church ask why we no longer have late night parties to which ladies are, as one of the adverts of the time put it, "admitted free." Perhaps I need to find a curate schooled in such matters.

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...
This comment has been removed by the author.