Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Archbishop Rowan’s “chosen lifestyle”.

It takes a special skill to equally upset both sides of a conflict, but in the ecclesiastic fun park that is contemporary Anglicanism, the Archbishop of Canterbury has once again proven he’s got what it takes. His Grace’s latest ramble has managed to infuriate the Viagravillains by refusing to sanction (in words of no more than one syllable in length) the compulsory execution of anyone not as ostensibly heterosexual as little Matt Kennedy. Meanwhile those on the other side of the Glorious Schism are angry at the Beard of Britain for seeking to exclude those whom God has obviously called, accepted, and blessed with the gift of a loving relationship.

Now as the Voice of Global Orthodoxy I won’t deny that I’ve in the past had occasion to criticize Our Glorious Leader, but in the face of his latest effort it would be remiss to not give praise where it’s due. After all, it’s no simple matter to offend everyone in the one homily; the good Lord knows I try my hardest here day after day, but only very rarely can I manage to be as bilaterally objectionable as the Lad of Lambeth. Nor is upsetting that many people easy when it takes at least three readings for anyone to understand what you're saying.

Yet the real brilliance of ++Cantaur’s mental meandering lays in his spectacular backflip. This is the man who once taught that a same-sex relationship can ”reflect the love of God in a way comparable to marriage”, and who before getting the biggest hat in the Communion said:
“If we are afraid of facing the reality of same-sex love because it compels us to think through the processes of bodily desire and delight in their own right, perhaps we ought to be more cautious about appealing to Scripture as legitimating only procreative heterosexuality.”
Yet now we find him saying:
“It is that a certain choice of lifestyle has certain consequences. So long as the Church Catholic, or even the Communion as a whole does not bless same-sex unions, a person living in such a union cannot without serious incongruity have a representative function in a Church whose public teaching is at odds with their lifestyle.”
Dearly Beloved Sinners: Rowan Williams might have once been considered a liberal, but today he has proven himself as having chosen the lifestyle of a true Gafconeer. While my Gathered Brethren mightn't be discerning enough to recognize a fellow scoundrel when they see one, you can't fool a Doctrinal Warrior like me, and the ability to so completely betray one's former friends and supporters is normally only found in members of the North Korean government, or among senior members of the Jensen family.

Remember, it’s not as if we can expect to see an Archbishop of Canterbury like this one again. The last time I spoke to Her Majesty (we had a meal and went ten-pin bowling before enjoying some delightful quality time in the Tesco car park at Hammersmith) she was adamant that if the next candidate for the position can even spell ‘Dostoevsky’ he’ll be out the door before you can shout "Hurrah for Karamazov!"

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Lapinbizarre said...

"Matt Kennedy"?

Rick+ said...

     Like you, I've noticed that the folks at Stand Firm and TitusOneNine are going crazy over this too. In an odd way, I'm taking comfort from that.

Anonymous said...

It is good to know ++Rowan has condemned gay relationships.
It is good to know ++Rowan supports gay relationships.
Have I got it right?

Leonardo Ricardo said...

To think that the horrid little Archbishop Gomez is ministring to Jamaica where murdering LGBT Christians/others by hatecrimes which are highest in the Western Hemisphere (and other religious ¨massacres¨ that went unnoted by ++Rowan at the recent ACC meeting IN JAMAICA) directed the authoring of a ¨Anglican Covenant¨ is INSANE!

Noting that Dr. Williams wildly proclaims Gomez Covenant doctrine as the solution only proves that his FINAL SOLUTION ought simply be a all expense paid vacation to Jamaica for ALL LGBT ANGLICANS WORLDWIDE!

Less costly than feeding Gomez and his ++boys at more ¨hate design¨ retreats!

Really, these puffedup old crackpots don´t even know RIGHT from WRONG or UP from DOWN!

You´re right, Dr. Troll, nobody could take this latest emission seriously! Finally we´ve discovered the cause of the BIG STINK!

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Sorry, Dr. Troll, I accidentally pressed ¨send¨ before I reread (I´m dancing as fast as I can) the last message and it´s quite jumbled (I could blame it on my bruised kneecap recovery)!

MadPriest said...

Father Christian, just as soon as I have sold all my possessions to pay for it, I will be signing up for your excellent Ex-Liberal programme. I have lived with the embarrassment of integrity all my adult life as I foolishly believed that it was "natural." But now I have seen the light. If Anglicanism's greatest theologian can shrug off his lifetime's work, and reputation for being a reasonable human being, so easily, then surely, with your guidance, so can a mere jobbing priest like myself.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

My dear young Father - don't you dare selling your possessions. As a priest you have an obligation to steal from those inferior to you: does little Peter Jensen pay for his own air travel?

Are there no wealthy widows whom you can befriend and persuade to make you their sole beneficiary? No orphans in your district whom you can swindle out of their inheritance? If that really is the case then you can simply do as my Virginian students have done, and raise the necessary funds by selling church property.

David |Dah • veed| said...

I think that MP's old age pension is mostly tied up in his recording collection! What shall become of that the day that he is called home to glory!

Rick+ said...

     MP's collection will probably be worth millions by that time. Given his generous nature, I know, upon retirement, he won't forget his good friends in America or their lawns.