The Sarah Palin Show Trial

News has just reached St. Onuphrius' that an investigation concluded Sarah Palin “violated state ethics laws and abused her power” by trying to have her former brother-in-law fired from his position as a state trooper.

Now as the World’s Greatest Bible Teacher there’s not much about ethics and abusing power which I haven’t studied first hand, and it should be made clear from the outset that I firmly believe if a person loves Jesus, Guns and Greasing Palms (and not necessarily in that order) it’s just plain impossible for there to be anything even remotely sinful about them putting a little honest old-fashioned pressure on whoever might be getting in their way. So whatever our sweet little moose-killing Vice-President-to-be did or did not do is really of nobody’s concern other than perhaps the person she did it to. And since he is kinfolk, and this is Alaska, everyone really ought to left alone to shoot it out for themselves come next Thanksgiving.

Still, it’s the duty of One as Righteous as me to examine this liberal beat-up more closely, and once you look beneath the facts things aren’t as simple as they seem. Firstly, the so-called “independent” investigator is someone called “Branchflower” – call me a traditionalist, but I’ve always believed in judging a book by it’s cover (how else can one ascertain the quality of Naturist magazines?) and no man with a name sounding like it was chosen from a florist’s catalogue could possibly be anything other than a covert agent for the International Sodomite Conspiracy. Or perhaps some kind of sick environmentalist: say what you will, but I don’t trust him.

Equally troubling is the photograph reproduced below of investigating legislative committee’s Chair and Vice-chair:

Bible-believing readers will note that the Chairman, shown seated on the right, is not only a Democrat, but even has a beard! So we all can see he’s clearly not a Christian, and was obviously some sort of satanic plant from the beginning.

Fortunately the Vice-chair was a Republican, and consequently Christian, but she is a woman! So how could she be expected to understand the complex issues at stake? What’s more, in accordance with Biblical teaching she would have been obliged to defer to the “men” on the committee, meaning she’d have been in no position to overrule their foregone conclusions, nor even to speak out, as Scriptures make it clear she must remain silent and save any questions for her husband when she gets home.

Which itself raises further questions about the competency of this unjust farce: what kind of a man would allow his wife to be part of a committee which includes Democrats with beards? No, the whole thing smells fishier than Todd’s overalls. If you ask me Bishop Gene Robinson has got to be involved with this somehow, and it’ll only be a matter of time before little David Virtue finds the connection.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.