Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Sins of the Jensen Father...

As everyone knows, I am a peaceful man except when angered, and believe the shedding of blood can never lead to peace if one's enemy is not wounded fatally. In the face of liberal unbiblical opposition I firmly abide by the Psalmist’s teaching, and so it gives me great pleasure to announce that FATHER CHRISTIAN TROLL IS REALLY ANGRY!!!

The cause of my righteous wrath is, as one might expect, none other than Archbishop Jensen, my sworn enemy in Schism. His recent attempt at an “apology” has been exposed as nothing more than a shallow plot to deceive the thousands of Christians who recognize me as the most authoritative Bible Teacher in Christendom.

The tragic facts are simple: as an act of Christian compassion I had graciously posted a comment on Little Pete Junior’s blog. This is a rather amateur affair, and Little Pete's son was bewailing his embarrassment when telling others about his blog (quite understandable when you see the thing), and expressing concern about the nastiness found on blogs in general (clearly he’s never been to one of his father’s churches). To console the poor lad I commiserated with his inferiority, and agreed that examining the vast breadth of evil throughout the real of blogging does indeed take up hours every day.

Naturally Little Pete Junior agreed with me, and no doubt appreciated my pastoral concern, because my teaching was instantly posted and remained there for many hours. Yet returning later I saw it had been removed, which I have no doubt was the direct work of Little Pete Junior’s father himself! Surely there is no depravity greater than removing Sound Words of Wisdom from your own child’s blog???

In response to this outrage my immediate reaction was to contact some fine businessmen from Vladivostok for whom I have occasionally conducted short-term missions involving the carriage of a lead-lined suitcase, from whom I intended to purchase a small thermo-nuclear device which I know they have been saving for a special occasion such as this. However Consuella has a childish fear of atomic warfare, and begged me to consult her relatives regarding an alternative. And as it so happens they happen to have young Little Pete Junior’s credit card details registered on one of their internet customer lists...

I know it’s not really the poor boy’s fault, and for a moment even had doubts about extracting vengeance on him for his father’s wrong-doing, but then I seemed to recall something about the sins of the fathers being passed onto their sons. Which is as good enough a reason for us to start having some fun buying things on eBay as any Christian should ever need.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Twigs said...

Google provides/We are all Google's children: Scroll down on Jr's blog and there you are, linked forever. Play nice.

Frank Remkiewicz aka “Tree” said...

ev. Dr. Troll:

Have you ever thought about the Chinese concept of Yin and Yang.
Balance in nature is found everywhere. Good and evil, right and wrong, cheese and crackers.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Your blog is the Yang to little Pete's Yin.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dr Troll
I, too, have placed a comment on Pete Jnr's amazing blog, asking him what it is like to have a Pope for a Dad.
I await his reply with interest, confident that my probing question will not be removed.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Play? PLAY??
This has nothing to do with playing - it's about TEACHING!!!

How can anyone speak of playing when every day there are sinners who escape being shunned, bashed and even murdered by the Church? Even more importantly, do you not realise there are billions which every week goes untithed? How can you liberals worry about links when important truths go untaught - or even worse - DELETED BY APOSTATES!!!

And don't think Father Christian didn't notice you registered a new ID to leave this comment. The fight for truth needs Believers brave enough to stand up and be counted under their usual nom-de-plume, and not sneaking into the Garden of Truth by night like some new-fangled Nicodemus.
'Sock Puppets for Jesus' don't get the time of day when this Doctrinal Warrior stands up for the Scriptures.

Leonard said...

I love stark, no-nonsense's sooo abundantly available here it makes me dance inside.

Thank you,

Anonymous said...

Obviously Pete Jnr doesn't allow ANYONE to make comments on his 'interesting' blog. Like your eminent self, my own humble contribution has been summarily removed. Is there a Scriptural way of 'removing' Jnr himself?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Father Heron:
Will these outrages never cease!!!
While I believe the problem is not so much Junior as his father, much as Baby Doc Duvalier would have never risen to power if not hanging from Papa Doc's apron strings the insults are beyond a joke.

As in intereim response I have just authorised Brother Richthofen to purchase another latex train-driver's uniform with Junior's card details - although I must say my patience is running short. Consuella keeps advising me against it, but I'm starting to feel called to turn Ezekiel 9:6 on all of them.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dr Troll
Tommy Wright has just sent an 'Ad Clerum' message to his Diocese claiming he'd be "appalled" if provision were not made for traditionalists against bishopesses.
This is the same Tommy who hates sodomites in the nutty American Church. Do latex train-driver's uniforms come in sizes to fit fat bearded men?

Robert said...

Dear Fr. Christian. You do realize I hope that it is merely because the Jensen's fear your clearly superior Bible training and teaching that causes them to run screaming like children at the mere mention of your name.